Mar. 24th, 2008

desertions: (DO NOT WANT)
Body...why do you hate me so bad?

I swear, if it's not one thing, it's another.
desertions: (Do You Know Where My Spark Is?)
I wonder sometimes, if I changed journals, switched AIM names, or just stopped coming online at all, would people notice? Would they care? I'm not saying this in a whiny or attention whorey sort of way, but I wonder sometimes. Most of my friends exist over the internet. I notice when they stop coming around. And it really upsets me. More than it probably should. I can't help but wonder if some of these attachments are unhealthy. It still makes me sad that Davis [livejournal.com profile] superdavis is never around anymore. He used to be one of my favorite people to talk to.

I think about it sometimes, changing all my contact info, packing my stuff up, moving somewhere, anywhere, and starting new.

Would anyone miss me?

Probably not. It seems to me like people are easily discarded. More easily discarded than any one of us would like to admit. And it sucks. But that's life. I guess. I'm not really sure where I'm going with any of this, it's just something I've been pondering lately, I guess.

Sometimes I don't feel any different from when I first started coming online alot, back when I was around thirteen or fourteen. You'd think I would of changed in seven years. ..I hope I have, but sometimes, I wonder. I do.

I wonder what would of happened if I had never gotten into RP, fanfiction, and internet stuff in general. Would I be better off or worse? And what does it say about me if I would have been worse off?

Would I be better off now, cutting myself off from these things? Could I even do it? Somehow, I doubt it, unless some kind of catalyst or something happened. The internet has always been an escape to me, I guess. But what exactly am I trying to escape from? It seems to constantly change and shift, but there's always something.

Song of the Entry:

Digital Ghost by Tori Amos

It started as a joke
Just one of my larks to see
If somehow I could reach you so


I swam into your shores
Through an open window
Only to find you all alone

Curled up with machines
Now it seems you're slipping
Out of the land of the living


Just take a closer look
Take a closer look
At what it is that's really haunting you

I have to trust you'll know
This digital ghost
But I fear there's only so much time
'cause the you I knew is fading away


Hands lay them on my keys
Let me play you again
I am not immune to your net

Find me there in it
I won't go even if in
Your heart only beats ones and O's

Switch you on my friend
Pull you from that rip current
But only you can fight against this


Take a closer look
Just take a closer look
At what it is that's really haunting you

I have to trust you'll know
This digital ghost
But I fear there's only so much time
'cause the you I knew is fading away

Fading
Fading
Away

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desertions: (Default)
Katiepants

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