desertions: (It's a big big world and I'm a big big g)
Katiepants ([personal profile] desertions) wrote2016-08-18 02:16 am

And The Rain Falls On The Wrong Year And It Won't Leave You Alone

Hi everybody (hi, doctor nick)

I wish I could say I was doing better. I'm not, really, but I'm hopefully going to get there soon. I'm going to see a new psychiatrist to talk about going back on medication, at least for a while. My depression has gotten to a point where it's really impeding on my ability to function and my will to live -- which sounds dramatic when I type it out but there we go.

I mean, it's not all bad. In July I got to go to Hawaii which was really nice if not bittersweet because originally it was supposed to be a graduation present. So. A little awkward. But I tried to enjoy it as much as possible. Sometimes that meant sitting on a beach side by myself crying which makes me think I should be in some sort of teen drama or something but there you go. I'm trying, and that's something.

I'm probably not going to take the exams again until the spring. I was supposed to retake them this fall and I'm in now shape to study the way I need to, let alone perform under that kind of pressure. We only get two chances to take it and I want to do it again with the best possible results, which in this case might mean taking time off to take care of myself. But I am going to talk to the disabilities office and see what kind of accommodations I can get for my anxiety -- something I should have done a long time ago.

In my inability to do much else I've been lying in bed and consuming a lot of media. I finally finished Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (which while some of it was a little silly it was not nearly the disaster out of context spoilers made it out to be). I also watched season 3 of Bojack Horseman (probably the worst show to watch when already depressed but oh well, misery loves company sometimes, at least I'm not as destructive as Bojack), the first season of Mr. Robot (which I really liked more than I expected despite my favorite female character dying in like the first six episodes or so) and the first season of Stranger Things (which was more enjoyable than I expected though I am not quite into it as much as some people are. I liked Nancy a lot though -- probably partly because the actress who played her looks eeringly like Crystal Reed).

I also watched The Little Prince and it was really beautiful and I am still so bitter it didn't get theater release here.

That's most of it, I guess. I'm not doing great but I'm trying to do better. Some days, that's easier than others.

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