You're Frozen, When Your Heart's Not Open...

[desertions]

There's so much I want to talk about..where to start...where to start...
Well, for one thing, going camping this weekend, or staying in cabins, something like that
Not particularly looking forward to it, as I'm still on strained terms with my aunt and uncle
But at least I'll have Erin to hang out with, which is better than nothing...

Seniors had their last day of classes today
It's going to be lonely without Rachel around.
I didn't realize how close I had become with her in the past year until like now
And how not particularly close I am with Marie and Stephanie, it's been kinda strained lately...
At least I'll still have Monica around
And my very best friend, who doesn't go to school with me, is moving to Ohio.
This makes me so sad...I'm going to miss Meagen so much
She helped me through so much shit this year
When I was having that breakdown around Christmas she was the one who arranged for me to stay at her house for a few days
She was the one who listened to call after call...
I have no idea what I'm going to do without her, I really don't

I wish I could see Mitchell more. But between time and distance, it just doesn't seem possible.
Grr. Times like these make me wish I didn't have that paranoia of driving, it really gets in the way of life sometimes...
But, at least he has a car now, that might make things better, or something, I don't know, I guess we'll wait and see
I really like him, but I still can't get rid of that nervous feeling I get whenever I'm around him
I feel like I'm just waiting for something to go wrong, and as much as I try to shake off those feelings, they still linger...
That, and I keep fearing I'll mess something up
I have no prior experience, I know pretty much nothing of relationships...
As much as I like him, my own insecuriteis, once again, get in the way
It would probably help if I talked to him about some of this stuff I suppose...
I'm trying, I really am.
Opening up is hard for me, but trying is all I can do
I'm just glad he's so patient with me,
I'm pretty sure other guys would get irritated with a girl who tenses up as much as I do...

My sleeping has gone down the hole again...
In the past few weeks I haven't gotten to bed before 3 am...
Which is really bad, considering the fact I have to get up at 6:30 every morning
Insomnia sucks majorly...
Oh well, gives me time to catch up on things, read the DaVinchi Code...

I know there was more I wanted to say, but it's gone bye bye for now, so I shall leave it at that....
Well, actually, I'll leave it at this:


FROZEN QUEEN/ KING
You dont want love to come through to you. You like
it the way you are. To be unreachable, no need
to show feelings. Hiding everything inside you.
You are already used to it. You say yourself
that you dont need anyone, that you stand on
your own two feet or that you dont have time
for these things. But in reality you are scared
to get hurt. You feel save where you are: by
yourself, nobody can hurt you there. You
invent your own relationship in your dreams.
You just need to know that you COULD get a
partner.
Thats it.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
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At one point, this was very true, but I think I'm changing that, even if it is happening slowly....