desertions | No Thought Was Put Into This, I Always Knew It Would Come To This

Ugh, I guess I slept so much today that, as exausted as I am, I can't sleep now
Damn it all
Plus, I have alot on my mind, and need to vent
Need to get some messeges out to people, and this is the easiest way
Mail, and email, can be lost, with this, I know they check their friends pages
If they choose not to respond, that's their choice
At least I can be almost positive they heard what I had to say

Christina:
We used to be so close. All through elementry school, we were the best of friends. What happened? What changed that? I see old pictures of us, and it makes me almost want to cry. I've tried staying in touch but we just seem to grow more and more distant with one another. And I feel like while I gave it my all to try to make sure it didn't happen, you didn't really care. I was always the one calling, setting things up, inviting you places, I can't even remember the last time you did that. I really can't. And it hurts It really does. I hope, before we go our seperate ways to college, we can patch things up a bit. Or maybe people just grow apart, and there's nothing either one of us can do about it. I prefer not to think about it like that though

Rachel:
Girl, you need to learn to use your head. Seriously. You act like you're such a victim all the time, yet I can't even count how many times it's been your own fault. You have got to stop setting yourself up. And learn some self control. No offense, but I completely understand why people would be nervous with you around their boyfriends, I used to be too. Your track record is against you, and although you say you're trying to change, actions speak louder then words, and actions say you're not. I love you to death, but your antics are getting wearing. I'm sorry, but they are. I can't always coddle you, and maybe me saying this will snap some sense into you: If you keep up this way, I don't want to stay your friend. It's exhausting, and you depend too much on me. There, I said it. I'm sorry if it hurt you, but I've been holding back a while

Mitchell:

Where to start? Look, I know you feel like I latched onto you, pulled you into my fantasy, so to speak. And I'm sorry. I am. I should never of used you as a means to dissalude myself. And for that I'm sorry. But I think you need to realize, you used me too. You did. You never talked to me half the time, or even acknowledged me, but you had no problem roaming your hands around my body, using me for whatever realese you needed. And though I tried to act like it wasn't that, I think deep inside, even then, I knew. And maybe that's why it began to hurt so much to be around you. We both have alot of issues, but you know what one I really discovered. We were both afraid. I was afriad of being alone. You were afraid, I think, of my emotions, hence why I think you put off breaking up with me. You were afraid of my reaction. Hence why you waited to the last possible moment, and offered me an escape by doing it the end of the car ride, instead of at the beginning when we would of had more time to discuss it. You seem to have a hard time confronting negative emotions, whether they be your own or others. And alot of other problems too. You need to put your life together, before it falls apart even more. The same goes for me, but to be honest, at this point and time, I think I have a much better chance. Maybe someday we'll be mature enough to honestly discuss this stuff with eachother, work it out, and become closer to being friends again. Hell, maybe you'll reply to this, offering your side of the story, your feelings. I don't know. I just needed to let go, and let it out. So I did.

I realize I'm kinda harsh in all these...but I needed to let it out. Couldn't hold it in anymore
So I let go...
I just hope I didn't hurt anyone....

Song of the Entry:

You Know You're Right by Nirvana

I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you

Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good

I will move away from here
You won’t be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never felt this well

Pain...
You know you’re right...

I’m so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let’s talk about someone else
Steaming soup against her mouth
Nothing really bothers her
She just wants to love herself

I will move away from here
You won’t be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it’d come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never felt this well

Pain...
You know you’re right
Pain...