Nights Are Long And Hope Is Gone

[desertions]

For the record, I didn't really give up
Not by a long shot
Today was sorta better
I was calmer, and less woe is me!
Which is good
I guess it was all the positive feedback helped
Sometimes, just knowing people care is enough to make it bearable
It may not make things hurt less, but it lets me know, as cliche as it may sound, I'm not alone
It seems like alot of people are going through hard times right now
Lots of death, lots of pain
I wish I could just scoop you all in my arms and assorb all your pain
I wish I could fix all their problems, that way my friends would never hurt again
I mean, I know it sounds stupid, but I do
I don't care all that much about my happiness
I've come to grips that I'll probably never reach it
But I want to make others happy, if I only knew how to take away all their pain
I don't want anyone to ever hurt the way I have
You are all too good for it

As for me..?
I don't know
I stumble, I fall, I get up, get knocked down again
But I refuse to give up
Because the alternative scares the shit out of me
I put this response in my friend Kelly's LJ not too long ago, and still it applies:
I guess I keep going cause I'm afraid of stopping

I'm not sure where I'm going
Or what I'm doing
But I know somehow, I have to keep on
Even though lately, it's been really fucking hard

Old temptations sound so sweet
My skin begs to be opened
But I haven't cut in so long
I refuse to give in
As hard as it may be....

In other news, going to see if I might be able to head down to Fullerton this weekend sometime
Doubtful as my Grandma is home now and pretty against the whole thing
But we shall see..

Song of the Entry:

By All Acounts (Today Was A Disaster) by Emery


Wasted, paralyzed
I need ten thousand layers of disguise
Built to save
What's left that has already worn away

Inside this vacant made-up plastic life
Only your heart survived
One last cry

One last cry
One last cry
How long until (must I always remember all that I want to forget?)
It's my day (my day)
To die

These broken animals
Useless as they are
These broken animals
As useless as they are
These broken animals
As useless as they are

Gravity gets to me
Holds me here
Without release
Now's the time
To cut the line
Cross my heart
I realize
Nights are long
And hope is gone
God help me
Make it home
Make it home