You Said That I Was Naive And I Thought That I Was Strong

[desertions]

God, some days just suck
I was home, pretty badly sick
Throwing up, chest pains, wooziness, the works
I slept till 2:30 and felt like I hadn't slept in weeks
And not to mention the overwhelming bitterness that is sitting inside of me
Building up, more and more
I got into a fight with Meagen about it today, and I rarely ever fight with her
She thinks I'm choosing to be bitter, that I just need to realize that "there's more to life then relationships and I'm fine on my own"
Okay, it's not like I think I need a boyfriend or anything
It's just, we did date for quite a while, and the first cut is the deepest, parts of it still really hurt
Part of me still cares for him alot, and misses him, or at the very least, what we had
And for my best friend not to understand that...
Well, it was quite a blow
And it's not like she can understand
She's never been in a relationship
Someday, she's going to go through heartache, and then she'll know
And she won't want anyone just to tell her to "move on"
Things are never that simple
She does seem to understand my concern about the whole Kevin/Rachel thing though
I really just hope she doesn't break his heart again by screwing around
Seriously, enough is enough.
Being sick never puts me in a very good mood, espically when it's this bad
So I think I'll end now before I find more things to piss me off

It's not like I like being this way
So filled with poison and bitter pain
I want to let go
But I don't know how
I am getting better though
A year ago, I would of been slashing up my arms, legs, and torso over this shit
I guess this is progress of some sort that I'm not doing that, right?
Cause frankly, I don't know anymore

I just vomited again....
Great...

I just hope I get well enough to hang out with Suu-chan this weekend....

Song of The Entry:

Stay by Lisa Loeb

You say I only hear what I want to
You say I talk so all the time so

And I thought what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don't belong
And now that I am leaving
Now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you
Yeah yeah, I missed you

You say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard, don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
To anyone, anywhere
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative
Know, know, know that

So I, I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up (turn the radio)
And this woman was singing my song:
Lover's in love and the other's run away
Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
Dying since the day they were born
Well, well, this is not that
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown

And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure
You try to tell me that I'm clever
That won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you

You said that I was naive and I thought that I was strong
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you
Yeah, I miss you

You said, "You caught me 'cause you want me and one day you'll let me go
"You try to give away a keeper, or keep me
'Cause you know you're just scared to lose
And you say, "Stay."

You say I only hear what I want to