There's A Private Hell For Anyone Who Lives To Only Love Themselves

[desertions]

Still sick
Still barfing
Don't know if I'll go to school in the morning
Probably not
Anyways.....

You know what I've realized?
I'm a pretty selfish person
I have all these people concerned for me, trying to help me
And I constantly reject people
Hurt them, say cruel things
Just to keep them at bay
Cause that's easier for me
And I'm sorry
I am
I am a bitch, and there's not much I can do to change it
Life has frozen my heart, making it hard for me to really care
I know everyone thinks I'm wonderful, a great emapthetic person
But I'm not
I only do it so I'm not ignored, so I'm not alone
Again, I'm pretty selfish
And maybe that's why I tend to push people away
Because I know I don't deserve them
I deserve to be alone, just like I've always been
Being in a relationship almost made me forget that
But, I'm remembering it now
This is my place in life, the lonely, bitter bitch
Who only really cares about her own happines
Which will ulimately lead to her own destruction

Rachel, Meagen, Gab, Christina, Emily, how many friends have I hurt through my own bitterness and pain?
Not to mention my family....
Just because I'm miserable doesn't mean I should make everyone who loves me feel the same


Song of The Entry:

As It Stands by The Juliana Theory


Everything I have in mind
It begins to fade away
I searched for it and I longed for it
And now I know it's gone
Everything has slipped away
And I'm so overwhelmed
Everything that rests upon my shoulders fell
I would like to tell anyone who has depended on me for themselves,
I'm sorry
And everyone I've held in my arms
I believed I've pushed away
I would be there if I could be there
But as it stands, I'm gone
Everyone has slipped away
Don't be overwhelmed
Everyone that loved me more than I could tell,
I'm sorry
There's a private hell for anyone who lives to only love themselves
Everyone has slipped away
Everyone has slipped away
Everyone has slipped away
Everything has slipped away