Out Of The Sea, Wish I Could Be, Part Of That World

[desertions]

Yesterday was teh awesome
I got to go over to Meagen's house and much craziness ensued
So so so very good to see after these past two, three monthes
And she so needs to send me the lesbianesque pictures of her, Lisa and me
"Come, My Whores"
Gonna go back over there on Saturday and take her back to the airport
This time, the wait won't be as long, she'll be coming home again in two weeks for winter break
Joy

Today was not so fun, well not the second half, after being dropped off from Meagen's
Got in a fight with my grandma over my clothes and weight
Went over to my aunt and uncle's
They mostly ignored me
Except to bug me about college applications and critize me for not being done yet
And commenting on how low my quater grades were and how I'll never get into a college with them
And Aunt Wendy was saying how she took Sheena (my sister) to this think for CalBerkly
And was offering to help Briana (my cousin) with her applications
But when it comes to me, I have to do everything myself
And no matter how hard I try, it's not good enough
It's obvious that I'm just not trying hard enough, right?
It got so bad that I ended up huddling in the bathroom, sobbing and clutching my arms, digging my nails into them to keep myself from being loud
I hate how they make me feel, so suffocated and controlled
I'm not a fucking kid
But that's all they treat me like
I want to be more, so much more, yet they keep dragging me back down again and again
Till it's hard to breathe, to see anymore...

But on the plus side, found out my cousin Briana would be willing to pick me up and take me back to the LoTR party to go to Aunt Wendy's Winter Solstice Party
Now for the right oppertunity to ask about the LoTR party
Assuming they ever stop critizing and controlling me, of course
God, I can't weight to be 18

Song of the Entry:

Part of Your World From The Little Mermaid

Maybe he's right
Maybe there is something the matter with me
But I just can't see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has ev'rything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Lookin' around here you'd think
(Sure) she's got everything

I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
(You want thingamabobs?
I got twenty)
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
Wanna see 'em dancin'
Walkin' around on those
(Whad'ya call 'em?) oh - feet
Flippin' your fins you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'
Strollin' along down a
(What's that word again?) street

Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free
Wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give
If I could live
Outta these waters?
What would I pay
To spend a day
Warm on the sand?
Betcha on land
They understand
Bet they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women
Sick o' swimmin'
Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions
And get some answers
What's a fire and why does it
(What's the word?) burn?

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love
Love to explore that shore above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

I know, it's a disney song.
But the Little Mermaid is my movie y'all.
Besides which, in a weird, abstract sort of way, I can really relate
Relate to the yearning for something so much more....