Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2004-12-03 01:27 am
desertions) wrote2004-12-03 01:27 am
The Sacrifice Is Never Knowing Why I Stay When You Just Push Away
Wee.
Gov Paper done
Sleep soon
But first, more LJ madness
Went to theraphy today, that went well
My theraphist is going to call my uncle, try to set up a family session with my uncle
And soon, that way we can try to argue me going to the LoTR party
And you know, adress the fact that they never talk to me
But try to indirectly dictate my life
It's getting really rough
So if we can at least work some of these problems out, I would feel alot better
I do not need this stress
Sometimes, I'm glad for theraphy, it's the only place these days where I feel like someone is on my side
I feel like it's me against the world
And I'm loosing
I can't do anything right
And everyone is so quick to remind me of it
And quick to remind me that in the long run, I'm alone
I probably will always be alone
But that's okay, I'm sorta used to it by now
But I'm tired of lying
Tired of faking
Tired of trying to please everyone but myself
I'm so sick of never being good enough
I'm so sorry of crying because I let them down
I'm tired of feeling like shit all the time
I want to love myself again, assuming I ever really did
I don't even know how to do that
I wish I did, but I don't
It's like I forgot, or something
All I know is, if I keep trying to live up to their expectations, things are going to get worse
Like last year worse
When I kept shaking and having panic attacks and hearing things
Not to mention when I almost gave myself an ulcer from stress
Seriously, are you happy yet?
Have you pushed me enough yet?
Are you dissapointed I haven't snapped yet?
Are you waiting for me to finally loose it?
Well keep it up
I just might
Wouldn't that be a sad state of affairs indeed?
Song of the Entry:
P5hng Me A*wy by Linkin Park (Pushing Me Away Remix)
When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
[Backwards:]
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find that we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never froun eventually break down
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find that we’re out of time left to watch in all unwind
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
I’ve lied to you
This is the last smile that I’ll fake for the sake of being with you
Everything falls apart even
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sake of being with you
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
[Backwards:]
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
I’ve tried, like you, to do everything you wanted to
This is the last time
That I’ll take the blame for the sake of being with you
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
Reverse psychology is failing miserably
It’s so hard to be left all alone
Telling you is the only chance for me
There is nothing left but to turn and face you
When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
Asking why
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
Gov Paper done
Sleep soon
But first, more LJ madness
Went to theraphy today, that went well
My theraphist is going to call my uncle, try to set up a family session with my uncle
And soon, that way we can try to argue me going to the LoTR party
And you know, adress the fact that they never talk to me
But try to indirectly dictate my life
It's getting really rough
So if we can at least work some of these problems out, I would feel alot better
I do not need this stress
Sometimes, I'm glad for theraphy, it's the only place these days where I feel like someone is on my side
I feel like it's me against the world
And I'm loosing
I can't do anything right
And everyone is so quick to remind me of it
And quick to remind me that in the long run, I'm alone
I probably will always be alone
But that's okay, I'm sorta used to it by now
But I'm tired of lying
Tired of faking
Tired of trying to please everyone but myself
I'm so sick of never being good enough
I'm so sorry of crying because I let them down
I'm tired of feeling like shit all the time
I want to love myself again, assuming I ever really did
I don't even know how to do that
I wish I did, but I don't
It's like I forgot, or something
All I know is, if I keep trying to live up to their expectations, things are going to get worse
Like last year worse
When I kept shaking and having panic attacks and hearing things
Not to mention when I almost gave myself an ulcer from stress
Seriously, are you happy yet?
Have you pushed me enough yet?
Are you dissapointed I haven't snapped yet?
Are you waiting for me to finally loose it?
Well keep it up
I just might
Wouldn't that be a sad state of affairs indeed?
Song of the Entry:
P5hng Me A*wy by Linkin Park (Pushing Me Away Remix)
When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
[Backwards:]
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find that we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never froun eventually break down
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find that we’re out of time left to watch in all unwind
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
I’ve lied to you
This is the last smile that I’ll fake for the sake of being with you
Everything falls apart even
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sake of being with you
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
[Backwards:]
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
I’ve tried, like you, to do everything you wanted to
This is the last time
That I’ll take the blame for the sake of being with you
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
Reverse psychology is failing miserably
It’s so hard to be left all alone
Telling you is the only chance for me
There is nothing left but to turn and face you
When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
Asking why
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me