And I'm Sympathetic, Never Letting On I Feel The Way I Do

[desertions]

Ugh what a long day
Got woken up this morning to help clean
So much yelling and fighting was involved
And crying, lots of crying
And several almost cutting
I hate when she asks me to do something, because it's never really good enough for her
I dunno, I'm just, in a lot of ways, sick of hiding and trying to please people

But I'm so good at wearing masks
Just showing anger and rage instead of the hurt and self loathing inside

Little known fact, and my biggest problem:
I don't like myself very much
Or...at all really
Never have
I try to, but I just can't figure out any reasons why I should

Also found out some disturbing info about my mom
Like how she tried to kill herself when I was little, even before my dad died
And how she and my dad got addicted to pain killers while they were sick
And...many other things
I think I'm finally beginning to understand alot of my sister's resentment
Not that I would ever in a million years admit it
But I sorta do now

Meagen seems to be doing slightly better now
Hopefully she'll be ready to talk soon
They maybe I'll stop worrying x_X

Anyways, exhausted, and my psych essay is done
So bed for me

Song of the Entry:

Sympathetic by Seether

And my words will be here when I’m gone
As I’m fading away against the wind
And the words you left me linger on
As I’m failing again now, never to change this

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam

And it seems I’m alone here, hollow again
As I’m flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again
As I’m failing again now, never to change this

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam

The same old feelings are taking over
and I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober,
but I can’t seem to make it go away
The same old feelings are taking over
and I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober
(I can’t make it go away. I can’t make it go away)

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m falling, falling, falling,
falling, falling, falling, falling
Apart again at the seam.