Well We Hurt Each Other Then We Do It Again

[desertions]

Okay, updateness...
Crazy weekend
The LoTR party rocked
Espically all the pocky consumption, Suu-chan snuggling, and malesex porn viewing
Among other things
Would go into more detail, but I have some other stuff on my mind really

Relationships are on my mind

I guess I've been thinking about the past alot lately
Talking to Stan more
Though we've been just friends for a while, I can't help but remember how obbessed I was with him
And today I ran into the only other serious online boyfriend I ever had
Nick
He dissapeared about a year ago, while we were still going out
No words, no anything
And now he wants to know if there's any chance of us getting back together
I told him no
A) as nice as he was to me, he left, and that hurt. I can't handle people when they leave
B) I've sworn off online relationships for good reasons
C) There's a crush I don't want to jepordize

Who is this crush? We'll sorta get to that in a moment

Next on the agenda:
The only real relationship I ever had was with Mitchell
And it was trainwreck
We were talking about things this weekend and I think we finally cleared some air
We were both to blame really
As our biggest fault was that we never communicated
Part of me is suprised we were able to talk like that, that we actually managed to save our friendship after it got as bad as it did
But I'm glad we were able to
He's still a good guy
He just wasn't the right one
Just as I wasn't the right girl for him
I hope he finds her some day

Now, onto the most recent subject:
The Crush
This is my first major girl crush, so it's disconcerting in many ways
I've been physically attracted to girls before
But never in the emotional way I have been to her
There's been several chances to act on it, but I always let it pass
We flirt all the time
But as to whether it means anything to her, I dunno
I'm afraid to ask
I'm being supervague, but that's to protect myself more then anything
Though I'm sure some people will figure it out anyways

And I just...
I dunno

Love has always been a dissapointment to me
Whether it be romantic or otherwise

I think I'm too afraid to give it another chance

Maybe I'm better off alone

I dunno

That's always how I seem to end up though

Alone

Bah

I'm thinking too much again....

Song of the Entry:

One by U2


Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say...

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's...

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...life

One