It Seems Like Everything Is Grey Now And There's No Color To Behold

[desertions]

So I come home from seeing In Good Company
And what's the first thing I do?
Check to see if LJ is back
And such joy was found when it was!
At least there was something to do last night
I fell asleep at 6:30 pm last night
And woke up at 10:35 am this morning
That is sixteen hours
Scary
Guess my body finally gave out from exhaustion
Saw my psychiatrist today
Readjusted my meds
They're going to add Ablify to my Trileptol as far as mood stabilizers
We're also going to try me on Ambian for a short period (till at least school ends) to help with the lack of sleeping
Because my insomnia has been horrid lately
I guess it's cause I've been so stressed out lately
I mean, I've been totally on edge, crying and screaming at nearly anything and everything
I hate how my grandma acts like if my meds are adjusted everything will be okay
I don't think it's just that I'm imbalanced
I haven't been this bad in a few years
Though my theraphist says I'm doing the best she's ever seen me
I don't know
I don't know
I'm scared though
I know that
Everyone tells me it's going to be okay
Will it?
I have no idea
Really considering Mrs. Tanner's offer though
Because if I don't end up going straight to college I don't want to stay here
It would be nice to have a stable enviroment for once
Maybe it would help me sort things out
I'm just afriad things will work out too late
Is that even possible?
I don't know, but I fear it anyways

Song of the Entry:

Fine Again by Seether

It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well

And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…

I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine for me
For me; for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself

I am prepared now for myself
I am prepared now
And I am fine again