The Dreams In Which I'm Dying Are The Best I've Ever Had

[desertions]

Why is it I can have a somewhat decent day and then come home and feel like collapsing crying?
I haven't been doing so well,
This happens almost every night, to the point where I'm shaking when I try to go to sleep,
Talking to myself in attempts to stay calm....
It's like my brain is so noisy lately, I keep trying to ignore it, but it's hard....
And when I do sleep I have such horrible nightmares,
Rape and death and destrutction seem to be the major themes of most of them
And sometimes, death is the lighter of the subjects
I wake up scared shitless, in cold sweats
I barely got any sleep this past week because I'm so afraid to go to bed
It's like my brain is turning against me or something
I mean, my brain is always kind of turbulant
But it hasn't been this bad in such a long time
Am I going crazy?
Is it just stress?
I suppose it doesn't help that I've been irregular with my meds
Just...
I don't know
I'm so tired
Yet I'm scared to go to bed
I don't want these demons haunting me anymore
I wish there a potion for dreamless sleep like they give Harry in the fourth Harry Potter book
Something like that would be handy right now
But life isn't fantasy, now is it?

Song of the Entry:

Mad World by Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarge your world
Mad world