I Want To Heal, I Want To Feel, Like I'm Close To Something Real

[desertions]

Ugh I always get so melacholy when I'm sick
Stayed home today
Been coughing like mad to the point where my chest hurts
I also have the headache of doom, nausea, and a slight fever
I hope I get better by this weekend
I really want to see my Meggie

I feel so lonely lately
I have friends, but it still feels rather empty to me
I feel like I'm the one consoling everyone, keeping them together
Meanwhile, no one notices that I'm falling apart
And most of the time, I don't mind it much
I like helping my friends
Cause God knows I can't seem to help myself

But sometimes, I feel like this is wearing me down
Pulling me under
And I just want someone to reach for me
So I don't feel so alone
Something to anchor me here before I float away

I don't even want to leave the house most days
Putting on my mask that I usually wear is getting too hard
I just want to curl up in bed and forget I exist
So what if I don't graduate?
Don't go to college
Don't do anything that matters
I can't say I care much anymore
I'm trying to
But it's like something in me broke
I've never felt this weary before

My family is sick of me
They critize everything I do
My friends love me
But when I'm around them it's like I'm just playing a part
Nothing feels quite real anymore

I want a place where I feel real
Where I feel like me again
Where I feel loved again
Yet I'm too tired to look for it

Everyone says I'm so strong
I don't feel strong
I feel like a coward
Hiding from life as I do

I think I have alot I have to deal with
My life hasn't been what you called easy
I mean, not to sound emo, cause I know I can, but it hasn't
And until I deal with my issues, I am never going to be happy
The problem is finding the strength and support to do it

Song of the Entry:

Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find/That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
It's gone]
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to find that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own

I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
It's gone]
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today

I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong