But There Is A Hole Inside My Heart, Where All My Love Comes Pouring Out...

[desertions]

Ugh, it's almost six, and I haven't slept
At least I'm a bit calmer then I was before
I was up half the night, bawling my eyes out
I miss her so much, so badly
I want to smash up all the Christmas decorations
It's painful shopping for presents, because there's a million things I find she would of loved
Her birthday is in a few weeks too
I just...I miss my mommy
I hate that I'm never going to be able to work things out with her
I hate that I'll never discuss another movie with her
More than anything else this christmas...I'd like her back
But that's not going to happen

And then...I can't help but feel like my best friend is pulling away from me
Last year, she used to call all the time..and was so eager to see me as soon as she got back
Now...it just...maybe it's because she made new friends, maybe she doesn't need me as much anymore
I don't know
Maybe I'm overreacting
I probably am
I will probably never bring this up to her, because I'm so afriad I could be misentrepeting things
It's just...everything seems so real and painful lately
And it's happened before with so many other friends
Christina, Emily...

And the gloomy weather isn't helping, all this cold, and looming darkness
I would rather it just rain then this

And it's kind of sad, but right now I feel closer to some of my RP/online friends then my ones in real life
I find myself wanting to stay infront of the computer all the time instead of going out
Luckily, I'm not allowing myself to fall back into those habits

So yeah...ZOMG SO MUCH EMO IT BURNS X_x
Gonna try to get some sleep before work

It's just sometimes...I feel like I feel too much

But I'm trying to just take it one day at a time
Enjoy what I can
Because life is short
And once you're gone...don't you want people to care?

Song of the Entry:

Nobody Loves You by Garbage

Watching the days slip by so fast
Knowing our fate has long been cast
Working our fingers to the bone
Cause nobody loves you when you’re gone

Coughing up feeling just for you
To find something real to hold on to
But there is a hole inside my heart
Where all of my love comes pouring out.

You know you’ll always be my man
But grab yourself sweetness where you can
Cause sooner or later we’re going to die
Left to the dogs under the sky

I cracked a piece of broken glass

Coughing up feeling just for you
To find something real to hold on to
But there is a hole inside my heart
Where waves of my love come tumbling out.
You say that all the good is gone
That I have forgotten who I am
Free as a bird
Wild as the wind
But somehow I cannot let you in