Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2007-03-08 07:17 am
desertions) wrote2007-03-08 07:17 am
There's Nothing We Cannot Ever Fix I Said
So I've been thinking about what I said the other day
About missing what she represented more then missing Meagen herself.
I think in alot of ways, this is very true.
In all honesty, there are very few people I have let myself honestly become close and attached to in my life, and she was the first one out of my family that I truly did so with.
I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever let myself get that close to someone again. I don't know if I can. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a fairly private person. I'm not a cuddler, I don't even like most people touching me, and it takes me a while to be able to feel comfortable hugging people.
It was never hard with her. If we shared a bed, I would cuddle next to her, lie against her. It was a closeness I honestly don't think I've ever shared before. Suu and other people can vouch for it, when I share beds with others, I'm not like that. I'm too self concious, too protected, whatever.
I guess what I miss was having someone I trusted that much. Someone who I felt so close to. It was friendship, but it was deeper then that. It was love, but not completely platonic. It ended up being very complicated in the end. And in the end, much more one sided then I ever, ever had realized before.
Somewhere along the line, things changed. And I didn't see it. Even if others did, I refused to, though looking back, I can see the signs clearly now. But then again, hindsight is twenty twenty, I guess.
If someone had told me things would end like they did, I would of called them a liar, and probably worse. Before this happened...I never would of thought her capable of such things. Even now, a year later, it seems pretty unbelievable.
And I would be lying if I tried to claim I wasn't changed from all this.
Song of the Entry:
Bells for Her by Tori Amos
And through the life force and there goes her friend
On her Nishiki it's out of time
And through the portal they can make amends
He would you say whatever we're blanket frinds
Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what is on its way
And through the walls they made their mudpies
I've got you mind I said she siad I've you voice
I said you don't need my voice girl you have your own
But you never thought it was enough of
So they went years and years
Like sisters blanket girls
Always there through that and this
There's nothing we cannot ever fix I said
Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what is on it's way
Bells and footfalls and soliers and dolls
Brothers and lovers she and I were
Now she seems to be sand under his shoes
There's nothing I can do
Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what is on it's way
And now I speak to you are you in there
You have her face and her eyes
But you are not her
And we go at each other
Like blank ettes who can't find
Their thread and their bare
Can't stop loving
Can't stop what is on its way
And I see it coming and It's on its way
About missing what she represented more then missing Meagen herself.
I think in alot of ways, this is very true.
In all honesty, there are very few people I have let myself honestly become close and attached to in my life, and she was the first one out of my family that I truly did so with.
I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever let myself get that close to someone again. I don't know if I can. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a fairly private person. I'm not a cuddler, I don't even like most people touching me, and it takes me a while to be able to feel comfortable hugging people.
It was never hard with her. If we shared a bed, I would cuddle next to her, lie against her. It was a closeness I honestly don't think I've ever shared before. Suu and other people can vouch for it, when I share beds with others, I'm not like that. I'm too self concious, too protected, whatever.
I guess what I miss was having someone I trusted that much. Someone who I felt so close to. It was friendship, but it was deeper then that. It was love, but not completely platonic. It ended up being very complicated in the end. And in the end, much more one sided then I ever, ever had realized before.
Somewhere along the line, things changed. And I didn't see it. Even if others did, I refused to, though looking back, I can see the signs clearly now. But then again, hindsight is twenty twenty, I guess.
If someone had told me things would end like they did, I would of called them a liar, and probably worse. Before this happened...I never would of thought her capable of such things. Even now, a year later, it seems pretty unbelievable.
And I would be lying if I tried to claim I wasn't changed from all this.
Song of the Entry:
Bells for Her by Tori Amos
And through the life force and there goes her friend
On her Nishiki it's out of time
And through the portal they can make amends
He would you say whatever we're blanket frinds
Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what is on its way
And through the walls they made their mudpies
I've got you mind I said she siad I've you voice
I said you don't need my voice girl you have your own
But you never thought it was enough of
So they went years and years
Like sisters blanket girls
Always there through that and this
There's nothing we cannot ever fix I said
Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what is on it's way
Bells and footfalls and soliers and dolls
Brothers and lovers she and I were
Now she seems to be sand under his shoes
There's nothing I can do
Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what is on it's way
And now I speak to you are you in there
You have her face and her eyes
But you are not her
And we go at each other
Like blank ettes who can't find
Their thread and their bare
Can't stop loving
Can't stop what is on its way
And I see it coming and It's on its way