Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2008-07-13 06:55 pm
desertions) wrote2008-07-13 06:55 pm
No One Wants To Hurt Me But Everybody Tries
I love when my sister tells me that I shouldn't be sad about the anniversary of our Mother's death coming up. Since she's dealt with it, and found other mother figures, apparently, so should I. It's been three years. I didn't realize that after that, I wasn't supposed to be sad.
Never mind that I was closer to my Mother. Never mind that I was the one who had to calm her down every time my sister told her to die or refused to hug her. But no matter what Sheena did, my Mother always accepted it, like she thought she deserved to be treated like shit. And it makes me angry. My sister has no right to tell me that I'm overreacting. Especially when I was only mentioning in god damn passing that it was sort of just hitting me that the anniversary was coming up in a couple of weeks. That it doesn't feel like it's been that long, in some ways. In fucking passing and she makes a huge deal about it.
She constantly plays up her own problems and how much she's suffered, but it's like if I mention my own problems, I'm just being dramatic. Because I had it easy, apparently. I'm not saying I had it worse, but they were very different experiences. And frankly, she wasn't around for years and years, so she has no fucking idea what I've been through or what I'm going through now.
My grandma keeps lecturing me to tell my sister about my stint in the hospital, but what's the point. She'd never understand, she would just tell me that I was going to end up crazy like Mommy, like she has so many other times. It's just easier this way, you know?
Of course, my sister just praises my Grandma to no end these days. And acts like I'm just unreasonable about being upset with her at all. Any feeling I have is unreasonable, apparently.
And then she wonders why I never take up her offer to come stay with her and Justin for a weekend. Why would I want to spend a weekend with someone who constantly makes me feel like my own fucking feelings are invalid? Really, it just sounds like a barrel of fun. I can't wait.
Song of the Entry:
Rose Red by Emilie Autumn
Rose Rose Rose Red
Will I ever see thee wed
I wil marry at thy will sire
At thy will
A thousand years gone by
Too late to wonder why
I'm here alone
If in my darkest hour
She rose that fell a flower
I should have known
Rose Rose Rose Red
Will I ever see thee wed
Only if you can capture me
Tell me no more stories
And I'll tell you no lies
No one wants to hurt me
But everybody tries
And if you think that I've been waiting
For my planets to align
It's time you go on
Get your things, get up, get out
I'm doing fine
Someday these walls will speak
The floor beneath you creek
To call my name
Here in my web of dreams
My whispers turn to screams
And place the blame
Rose Rose Rose Red
Will I ever see thee wed
Only if you discover me
Tell me no more stories
And I'll tell you no lies
No one wants to hurt me
But everybody tries
And if you think that I've been waiting
For my planets to align
It's time you go on
Get your things, get up, get out
I'm doing fine
Tell me no more stories
And I'll tell you no lies
No one wants to hurt me
But everybody tries
And if you think that I've been waiting
For my planets to align
It's time you go on
Get your things, get up, get out
I'm doing fine
For this freedom
I have given all I had
For this darkness
I gave my light
For this wisdom
I have lost my innocence
Take my petals
And cover me with the night
Tell me no more stories
And I'll tell you no lies
No one wants to hurt me
But everybody tries
And if you think that I've been waiting
For my planets to align
It's time you go on
Get your things, get up, get out
I'm doing fine
Never mind that I was closer to my Mother. Never mind that I was the one who had to calm her down every time my sister told her to die or refused to hug her. But no matter what Sheena did, my Mother always accepted it, like she thought she deserved to be treated like shit. And it makes me angry. My sister has no right to tell me that I'm overreacting. Especially when I was only mentioning in god damn passing that it was sort of just hitting me that the anniversary was coming up in a couple of weeks. That it doesn't feel like it's been that long, in some ways. In fucking passing and she makes a huge deal about it.
She constantly plays up her own problems and how much she's suffered, but it's like if I mention my own problems, I'm just being dramatic. Because I had it easy, apparently. I'm not saying I had it worse, but they were very different experiences. And frankly, she wasn't around for years and years, so she has no fucking idea what I've been through or what I'm going through now.
My grandma keeps lecturing me to tell my sister about my stint in the hospital, but what's the point. She'd never understand, she would just tell me that I was going to end up crazy like Mommy, like she has so many other times. It's just easier this way, you know?
Of course, my sister just praises my Grandma to no end these days. And acts like I'm just unreasonable about being upset with her at all. Any feeling I have is unreasonable, apparently.
And then she wonders why I never take up her offer to come stay with her and Justin for a weekend. Why would I want to spend a weekend with someone who constantly makes me feel like my own fucking feelings are invalid? Really, it just sounds like a barrel of fun. I can't wait.
Song of the Entry:
Rose Red by Emilie Autumn
Rose Rose Rose Red
Will I ever see thee wed
I wil marry at thy will sire
At thy will
A thousand years gone by
Too late to wonder why
I'm here alone
If in my darkest hour
She rose that fell a flower
I should have known
Rose Rose Rose Red
Will I ever see thee wed
Only if you can capture me
Tell me no more stories
And I'll tell you no lies
No one wants to hurt me
But everybody tries
And if you think that I've been waiting
For my planets to align
It's time you go on
Get your things, get up, get out
I'm doing fine
Someday these walls will speak
The floor beneath you creek
To call my name
Here in my web of dreams
My whispers turn to screams
And place the blame
Rose Rose Rose Red
Will I ever see thee wed
Only if you discover me
Tell me no more stories
And I'll tell you no lies
No one wants to hurt me
But everybody tries
And if you think that I've been waiting
For my planets to align
It's time you go on
Get your things, get up, get out
I'm doing fine
Tell me no more stories
And I'll tell you no lies
No one wants to hurt me
But everybody tries
And if you think that I've been waiting
For my planets to align
It's time you go on
Get your things, get up, get out
I'm doing fine
For this freedom
I have given all I had
For this darkness
I gave my light
For this wisdom
I have lost my innocence
Take my petals
And cover me with the night
Tell me no more stories
And I'll tell you no lies
No one wants to hurt me
But everybody tries
And if you think that I've been waiting
For my planets to align
It's time you go on
Get your things, get up, get out
I'm doing fine