But I'm Thinking Of What Sarah Said, That "Love is Watching Someone Die"

[desertions]

A week ago, my grandma died, the one who I lived with and raised me. It was sudden. I was with her at the time -- we were at a McDonald's and at first it seemed like she took a bad spill in the parking lot -- but things just got worse and worse rather quickly. By the time the paramedics got there, she wasn't responsive anymore, and lost consciousness. If I knew she wouldn't regain it I would have -- I don't know. Told her I loved her one more time. Something.

I called some of my family members, they called other ones. One of my uncles, her son, got to the emergency room shortly after I made the decision to let them put her on life support. If there was a chance we could save her, I wanted to take it. But it quickly turned out there wasn't. She had a massive stroke. Her brain shut down.

More and more people arrived and people got to say goodbye, and I guess that's good. I ended up being the one to also decided to take her off life support -- her sons couldn't make the call. She wouldn't have wanted to be kept as a vegetable. She wouldn't have wanted the resources wasted on her.

Because my dad died, I'm legally one of the heirs, not that she had much to leave behind, but it does mean I've had to be involved in a lot of the planning. The funeral is next week. I got extensions for my final papers in school and I need to finish the last few so I don't get an incomplete, but it's hard to get myself to care.

I'm just so tired and sad. I wasn't ready to go through this again. I guess no one ever is.