Cause the world gets in your way...

[desertions]

So I was talking to my friend ryuchel on the phone
And one way or another we got on some heavy topics that I never really talked about before

Like how 14 was the year everything fell apart...
How after my grandfather died everything just shut down
When he was sick, I tried so hard to keep everything together
But then he died, and everything that I was grasping to fell away from me...
I shut down mentally
I held everything in, tried to ignore that he was dead
Ignore that everything hurt
And everything I did felt....wrong
I felt like such a burden to anyone and everyone
Finally I just snapped..
And downed a bottle of tylenol..
I remember everything of that night
The song I had on repeat (Acoustic #3 by Goo Goo Dolls)
What pajamas I wore
What the medicine they gave me to throw up tasted like..
Then they started doubling my theraphy, medicating me more
I'm lucky they didn't put me in a mental hospital...
But I didn't try to get better
I pretended that I was, but secretly, I was pushing everying back inside
It was in that june that I really started to cut again
20-30 gashes at a time..
Everything hurt..
And it was my only way to cope anymore
Then in that septemeber, my family found out and started medicating even more
Eventually they figured I stopped
Patterns kept repeating themselves into my 15th year, and into my 16th as well
Until a couple of months ago I still didn't deal with my problems
I can't say I'm better...yet
But I'd like to get there someday
I'm tired of hurting
This is my story
and that is all...