They say it's over and I'm fine again

[desertions]

How many times will I cry talking about my father?
People think, oh, it's been 11 years, I'm sure she's over it
At this point, I don't think I'll ever be over it
I don't think it will ever stop hurting
Sometimes I wonder what would of happened if he hadn't died
Or even worse, if my mom had instead of him
I know it's horrible to have thoughts like that
But sometimes I wonder
Would things of been worse?
Better?
Would I of been sane?
Would my mom be?
Would I have friends?
Get good grades?
Not cut?
How much would of changed if he hadn't of died?
I think everyone has a moment were they're life drastically changes
That was mine
And I know one of the girls in my group said I had it better since I lost him younger
But I disagree, in a lot of ways, it's worse
Because I don't even remember him much
All I can remember is him holding me close, soothingly singing to me when I cried, and making me laugh
God do I want that back...
Who the fuck thought I was ready for that to be just snatched from me?
Who the hell has the right to just snatch my innocence from me?