I Hope I Won't Reveal...

[desertions]

Being here at his house has made itr worse
The more I spend time with him the more and more I realize how much I like him
Why does he have to be three years older then me?
Bleh...
Anbd why is it so hard to tell if he likes me or not
Everyone swears he flirts with me but I don;t see how he treats me any differently then anybody else
But they say the easiest way would be to tell him
The last time I told a guy I liked him it blew up in my face, badly
Of course, that was over two years ago and this is the first time since that I've really, really, liked somebody
Even if he did like me...my grandma would not approve of the age difference
Neither would "society"
I don't really care all that much, but he might
I mean for about less then a month after my birthday it'll seem like only two, me being 17 and him 19, but then his birthday will come and he'll be 20
Like I said, it wouldn't matter to me, but it might to him or other people
Plus. I really like him, not just like that, but as a friend
I would hate to make our friendship awkward if he didn't like me that way
I wish there was just some way of knowing if he liked me or not before telling him, a way to see into the future
Or something
But there isn't
So what the hell am I supposed to do?