Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2004-10-03 02:21 am
desertions) wrote2004-10-03 02:21 am
I Think I Thought I Saw You Try, But That Was Just A Dream
Oh God.
Ever have one of those days
One where you want to smash your fists into a wall until you knuckles bleed
...
and then some?
Today was such a day
It's a long story, but if you want, here it is:
So here's the beginning: Got up, had to go for a college counsling meeting thingie. Stressful as hell, as is anything with my family. I felt like I could barely get my word in there. Like always. It seems my opionon about my future doesn't really count, or something like that. My aunt was espically being bad about that... But at least they seem to be leaning away from community college. Thank God for small favors
So then Kevin came over, we were wiping an old computer to give to my sister, that wasn't too bad. Then we were going to meet Rachel to go to Comedy Sports, but then we got lost. Repedtly, so we got to CSLA real late, too late to go, so we talked about going to a movie or something, but ended up just hanging around Rachel's dorm, both me and Kevin getting extremely akward as Rachel and her roomates talked about getting drunk, going to frat parties and stuff, so finally we just decided to leave, and we were so pissed we ended up getting lost. Again. But finally, we get home...
And my grandma starts yelling at me because I was "lying" to her, cause apparently three progress reports came in. Seriously, I thought I had been doing well. And it's all fixable, going to drop the zero period class (too hard for me), and try to swich out of honors english cause the teacher is stressing me out too much, and I already have one extremely difficult teacher who there's no way to switch out of so...I don't need two. I don't need my grades going down
So it was a bunch of little things, I guess the stuff with Rachel annoyed me the most
We had just "fixed" things yet everything seemed to be going wrong again
She totally ignored me and Kevin and our feelings, yet kept trying to demand our attention the same time
And Kevin is someone I see rarely angry, but he got pretty pissed
Then again, with how she was talking about drinking and other guys and stuff in front of him. I totally understood
I don't know what to do anymore
I feel bad about it and stuff, but it's getting to be an annoyance to be friends with her
Being around her brings down my mood alot of the time
It's sad but true
I mean, if she was getting help, then maybe I could understand
But it doesn't seem like she really is
She said she hoped college would make her more mature...but if anything, I think it might of been the oppisote
Sometimes, she's a great person, but others, it's like I barely know her
Maybe she doesn't know herself
Cause it seems like she adjusts herself to whoever she's around
Which can be really unhealthy
But who am I to talk?
I myself am not that mature of a person.
Nor healthy, for that matter
Not by a long run
I am (hopefully) getting there though
In other news, Kevin and I are talking about going down to see the Fullerton group next week
Should be nice if we do it, haven't seen any of them (other then Suu-chan) since Mitchell broke up with me
And I'm finally at a point where it won't be a big deal to see him, infact, it might even add some final closure
Now to just convince my grandma of that
As she more or less thinks I should never go back to the Tanner house
As it might be "akward" for me
Maybe, but I don't think so
Besides, I keep telling Jasmine that I'm going to try to get over there soon, and I hate to lie
So we shall see...
Song of The Entry:
Losing My Religion by R.E.M.
Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
I <3 that song so much
And now, my bed beckons me...
Hopefully tommorow will be better
Ever have one of those days
One where you want to smash your fists into a wall until you knuckles bleed
...
and then some?
Today was such a day
It's a long story, but if you want, here it is:
So here's the beginning: Got up, had to go for a college counsling meeting thingie. Stressful as hell, as is anything with my family. I felt like I could barely get my word in there. Like always. It seems my opionon about my future doesn't really count, or something like that. My aunt was espically being bad about that... But at least they seem to be leaning away from community college. Thank God for small favors
So then Kevin came over, we were wiping an old computer to give to my sister, that wasn't too bad. Then we were going to meet Rachel to go to Comedy Sports, but then we got lost. Repedtly, so we got to CSLA real late, too late to go, so we talked about going to a movie or something, but ended up just hanging around Rachel's dorm, both me and Kevin getting extremely akward as Rachel and her roomates talked about getting drunk, going to frat parties and stuff, so finally we just decided to leave, and we were so pissed we ended up getting lost. Again. But finally, we get home...
And my grandma starts yelling at me because I was "lying" to her, cause apparently three progress reports came in. Seriously, I thought I had been doing well. And it's all fixable, going to drop the zero period class (too hard for me), and try to swich out of honors english cause the teacher is stressing me out too much, and I already have one extremely difficult teacher who there's no way to switch out of so...I don't need two. I don't need my grades going down
So it was a bunch of little things, I guess the stuff with Rachel annoyed me the most
We had just "fixed" things yet everything seemed to be going wrong again
She totally ignored me and Kevin and our feelings, yet kept trying to demand our attention the same time
And Kevin is someone I see rarely angry, but he got pretty pissed
Then again, with how she was talking about drinking and other guys and stuff in front of him. I totally understood
I don't know what to do anymore
I feel bad about it and stuff, but it's getting to be an annoyance to be friends with her
Being around her brings down my mood alot of the time
It's sad but true
I mean, if she was getting help, then maybe I could understand
But it doesn't seem like she really is
She said she hoped college would make her more mature...but if anything, I think it might of been the oppisote
Sometimes, she's a great person, but others, it's like I barely know her
Maybe she doesn't know herself
Cause it seems like she adjusts herself to whoever she's around
Which can be really unhealthy
But who am I to talk?
I myself am not that mature of a person.
Nor healthy, for that matter
Not by a long run
I am (hopefully) getting there though
In other news, Kevin and I are talking about going down to see the Fullerton group next week
Should be nice if we do it, haven't seen any of them (other then Suu-chan) since Mitchell broke up with me
And I'm finally at a point where it won't be a big deal to see him, infact, it might even add some final closure
Now to just convince my grandma of that
As she more or less thinks I should never go back to the Tanner house
As it might be "akward" for me
Maybe, but I don't think so
Besides, I keep telling Jasmine that I'm going to try to get over there soon, and I hate to lie
So we shall see...
Song of The Entry:
Losing My Religion by R.E.M.
Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
I <3 that song so much
And now, my bed beckons me...
Hopefully tommorow will be better