desertions | I'm Not Afraid Of Happy Endings, I'm Just Afraid My Life Won't Work That Way

I went to the rosary prayer thing tonight
It was nice I guess
I refused to view the body though
Cause it's not her
It's just an empty, dead shell now
We went to Denny's afterwards, which was kinda nice
I dunno, death and funerals and stuff make me akward
I never know how to act
I can't express my own pain at them
I just end up claming up and stuff
I might be able to go see the Fullerton group after the funeral tommorow though
Wrote a letter to my grandma concerning the whole situation about it
Might as well post it, as I don't have a hell of alot else to say

Baba, I was talking to Rachel, and we thought it might be a fun idea, that after the funeral and the after party and stuff, you drop me off in Fullerton to hang out with my friends over there. I know you think it's a bad idea for me to go there, because it could be painful, and you want to protect me, but, while you were in Peru, I went over there with Kevin, and it was fine. I mean, it stung slightly at first to see him, I'll admit it, but I had a good time, and it wasn't all that awkward. Everyone was glad to see me, and I've been bugged with emails from Jasmine ever since about when I'm next coming over. I'm sorry I went behind your back, I don't want to seem sneaky or anything, but I just needed to know for myself, and you seemed so against the idea…and I didn't know what to do. But it was fine. And I was fine, and they were fine with me being there. And we drive through Fullerton to go home anyways, so it wouldn't be out of your way to drop me off, and Rachel's trying to see if she can get us a ride home from one of our friends. If she can't, well then of course it's out of the question, but I just wanted to present the proposition to you, and I hope that it'll be okay.

Love always, your granddaughter,
Katie

that was really hard to write, believe it or not
I have a hard time expressing my emotions to people
Espically her
And I don't know why
I guess I'm just afraid
I'm afraid of letting people in
Cause then I could loose them....

Just like everyone else
Cause nothing ever seems to work out

And I'm getting tired of it....

Song of The Entry:

Fear of Dying by Jack Off Jill

I'm not afraid of standing still
I'm just afraid of being bored
I'm not afraid of speaking my mind
I'm just afraid of being ignored

I'm not afraid of feeling
and I'm not afraid of trying
I'm just afraid of losing
And I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...

I'm not afraid of being sick
I'm more afraid of being well
I'm not afraid
Put the gun in my hand
I'm just afraid it will hurt like (hurt like) hell

I'm not afraid of screaming
and I'm not afraid of crying
I'm just afraid of forgetting
And I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...

Fear of
Fear of
Fear of
Fear of

I'm not afraid of looking ugly
I couldn't care what they say
I'm not afraid of happy endings
I'm just afraid my life won't work that way

I'm not afraid of forgiveness
I absolve you everything
I'm not afraid of lying...
But I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you all I do is sit and think about you
Without you yes I...