desertions | But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For....

Well, the funeral went okayish...
I dunno, I'd go into detail about it, but I...can't
It's too hard, and I don't want to depress myself before trying to sleep
Today was hectic though, but things got done!
Bought my Moritcia Adams costume and my paper for my photo class, joy!
And we got a flat, so Kevin ended up meeting us there and helped us change a tire, very deja vu
I did alot more of the work this time though, made me proud
Finally, we got over to the Tanner household, though later then originally planned, but my grandma extended my curfew for once
So all was good
Went with them to rent movies, talked with Jasmine and the Tanner Mom alot, watched bits of The Karate Kid, read Azumanga Daioh (when Joshua found out I hadn't read it he thrusted in my hands and forced me to read. Heh.)
Tanner Mom might write a petition to see if I can sleep over there now that me and Mitchell are broken up....speaking of which....
Saw a bit more of Mitchell this time, though not a whole lot
It was slightly less awkard, at least we were able to talk to eachother more, if only in small bits like "hi" and "nice to see you"
There was one part though, when we passed each other in the hall, and suddenly, we paused, and it was like we both had something to say, but we kept walking, not saying anything
It's still sorta hard being around him, because even though I know it wouldn't work romantically between us at this point and time, I still care about him alot, at least as a friend
We were pretty good friends before dating...I hope some day we get over the akwardness and get to that point once more
I want to help him, really, I do
I look at him, and it reminds me of some of my worst bouts of depression, and it hurts
I hate seeing people I care about go through stuff like that
Which is why I've left an open invitation to him that he can talk to me if ever needs to
Sometimes, just having someone to vent to can be really helpful
I dunno, it's just a really complecated situation
So many people have told me to just forget him, that's he's an asshole
But that's not true, and it's not that simple
But I'll figure out something
I hope
I guess right now, only time will tell
And all I can do for him is be a friend
Part of me wanted to go up to the loft tonight and lecture him about how being anitsocial doesn't help with depression
But it's not quite my place to do that
Maybe if our friendship gets better again...
I guess one of the reasons it's so akward was it ended so suddenly
And I think there's alot we both left unsaid
And while it's slowly coming out as we become comfortable with one another again...
It won't be good until we're at a level where we can just talk about it
I know eventually, things will be better between us
It's just the waiting I can't stand....

Song of The Entry:

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it