desertions | I Used To Be A Superhero, No One Could Touch Me, Not Even Myself

I'm not doing so well lately
Today was a good example.
I had a panic attack during pysch class so I got up to drink so water, I was panicing so hard that my chest hurt
And then I started to swoon and almost collapsed and fainted in the hall
I barely I got myself to the bathroom and layed down in a cold sweat until my body finally calmed down
Then I got back up, went slowly back to class and didn't tell anyone a thing
Since August it seems like I've been slipping further and further away
And my stress is getting as bad it was last year
And my emotions keep hitting me over and over again in the stomach
And as sad as it may sound, the thing with Mitchell did play a bigger part then I'd like to admit
I never let anyone in like that before
I kept it away, depended on me, never allowed myself a relationship, barely even real friendships
And then when it all came down I wasn't who I used to be anymore
I was somone new, someone broken and fragile, and I didn't know what to do
I was suddenly dealing with all the things I was trying to avoid
And part of me hates him
Hates him for doing this to me, yet I know it's mostly my fault for letting him
I feel like Superman, only my Kryptonite is love
Go figure eh
My head hurts...it has since that incedent earlier today
Guess I should take some advil and try to sleep...
After a week as stressful as this one has been, part of me doesn't want to have to wake up
But I will of course, checks don't cash themselves and I need to walk to the bank
Yay for money!

Song of the Entry:

Superhero by Ani Difranco

sleepwalking through the all-nite drugstore
baptized in flourescent light
i found religion in the greeting card aisle
now i know hallmark was right
and every pop song on the radio
is suddenly speaking to me
yeah, art may imitate life
but life imitates t.v.
'cuz you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days and let's just say that things look different now
different in so many ways

i used to be a superhero
no one could touch me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

if i was dressed in my best defenses
would you agree to meet me for coffee
if i did my tricks with smoke and mirrors
would you still know which one was me
if i was naked and screaming
on your front lawn
would you turn on the light and come down
screaming, there's the asshole
who did this to me
stripped me of my power
stripped me down

i used to be a superhero
no one could touch me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

yeah you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and now i'm a different person
different in so many ways
tell me what did you like about me
don't say my strength and daring
'cuz now i think i'm at your mercy
and it's my first time for this kind of thing

i used to be a superhero
i would swoop down and save me
from myself
you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else
i am worse than everybody else