Once I Really Believed There Was Nothing Out There For The Lost And Lonely

[desertions]

My mom is not doing well
She keeps saying she's doing better, but I can tell....
Her mental health is just detiorating more and more and she refuses to get the proper help
And it's so painful watching her like this
But I can't be the one she talks to about this stuff, cause it tears at me too
And I'm way too stressed right now
It seems like when I'm not crying, I'm yelling at someone
I can't keep my emotions in check
For the most part it's only at home, but just give me some time
I'll start flipping out at school too
I'm trying though, I am
It doesn't help that Dr. Deocampo and other teachers keep harrassing me about homework
Hah, homework is the least of my problems right now
I'm so tempted to just give up on the college thing
The stress is not worth it
I can just go to community college and...bleh
That's not what I want at all acutally, but sometimes I really don't see the point in fighting
It hurts too much, and the cost seems too high
I'm so tired of having a million thoughts and feelings at once
But still, it's better then the alternative
I've given up more then once, and that's always ended up really horrid
So I just have to keep my chin up, grit my teeth and try to fucking bear

I'm so sick of just coping with life....

It just seems like no matter how hard I try there's always something I missed
Something I could of done to make things okay

But as much as everything may hurt right now, I will keep fighting
Because I know outside of this depression bubble, there are people who really love and care about me
And sometimes, it's going to bite me in the ass, but I would never give it up

Song of The Entry:

My Best Wasn't Good Enough by Anouk and Kane

Let’s say I’m feeling better
Let’s say I’m feeling fine
Let’s say I gave you all I had
And now I’m out of time
And my best wasn’t good enough

And now this time to wonder
Now this time to heal
Time to let it all come down
But I don’t know what I feel

But it aches and it hurts and it burns
Oh it kills me

Tick, tock, you don’t stop
You don’t fade
You just stay
But I’ll do it all again

Now don’t you call me baby
Just don’t pretend you care
Save your sorry for yourself
When judas takes you there, yes

Once I really believed
There was nothing out there for the lost and lonely
But a voice in my head kept banging on my heart
Says you’re not the only one

But it kills me

Tick, tock, you don’t stop
You don’t fade
You just stay
But I’ll do it all again

Tick, tock, you don’t stop
You don’t fade
You just stay
But I’ll do it all again