Would You Believe If I Said I'm Tired Of This?

[desertions]

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Woo
Sleep would be good I suppose, excpet I'm totally wired
I sweat I never fucking sleep anymore
I haven't gotten a proper night's sleep since the summer
It's effecting my health, I feel weak and woozy all the time
And mentaly, I'm not doing so well
I'm so frustrated with everything, it's hard getting out of bed
It's hard fighting back anymore
And I'm hearing them again, slowly and slowly
The voices that haunted me last year are coming back
And they're getting louder and louder
I find myself barely able to keep it together in school, smiling while I hear demons whisper inside my head
I only hope I don't get as bad as last year, when I thought I was going crazy
Because really, that shit was terrifying
I don't know...
There's something about this time of year that fucks people up
I find myself dreading the holidays, the only joy they'll bring is probably seeing Meagen again and presents
At the rate this is going, my mom's going to be in the Mental Hospital for Christmas
Again
And I keep trying, keep going, because I know people love me, I know people care
And there's people I need to help, my precious ones, my friends
I just found out Meagen had a panic attack the other night
Must call her tommorow and see how she's doing
In some ways, I feel like I just go through the same emotions over and over again
And there's no way to break the pattern
But I do want to
And I just want someone who can relate, who can understand this
Who can read this and think "This makes sense, I know what you mean"
Because frankly, I'm not sure what I mean anymore
Guess I'll just read more of The Warrior's Apprentice until sleep comes to me
Assuming it does of course

Song of the Entry:

Sick Cycle Carousel by Lifehouse


If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this

So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here
I never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess i was wrong now one more time

Cause I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this,

So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this

Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle, yeah
Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle yeah

So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good

When will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good

Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel