Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2004-12-09 01:35 am
desertions) wrote2004-12-09 01:35 am
I'm Feeling Like I'm Headed For A Breakdown, I Don't Know Why
First before anything else, I wrote a poem today
I think it's crap, but you can decide for yourself:
Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time, everything went my way
I would always laugh and play
But it all crashed and burned one day
Found my dad dead on the floor
Cried until I couldn’t anymore
Soon after that I forgot to soar
Once upon a time I would always scream
I soon forgot what it was to dream
And things were never quite what they seemed
I was lonely yet rejected everyone
It was as if I didn’t know how to have fun
I felt so old for someone so young
Once upon a time I cried all the time
If someone asked I made up a lie
Inside I felt as if I was going to die
So I found a way to deal with the pain
I just wanted to live again
All I wanted was a real friend
Once upon a time I tore at my skin
Faked a few grins
Pushed away my kin
I was sinking deeper within myself
My heart was safe on its frozen shelf
I refused to let anyone help
Once upon a time I gave up
I decided I had had enough
That I wasn’t really all that tough
But apparently that was not the end
In some ways, that’s when things really began
And there were all these feelings to which I had to attend
Once upon a time I didn’t care
I thought life wasn’t going anywhere
All I did was complain and swear
Now I’m not so sure
There may or may not be a cure
But things will never be the way they were
Once upon a time
Oh God
I swear, sometimes I can relate to the feeling of wanting to shoot people at school
I mean, I would never do it, I'm by no means a violent person, but I feel like it would solve so many issues
So, in Gov class today (AKA: one of the most boring classes ever) my teacher made some quam about me sleeping class (For once though, I wasn't. I just keep my head close to my desk while writing notes)
Now, teachers do that alot, usually it doesn't bother me
It does however bug me that when the kids started chiming in and teasing me, he joked around with them
I swear to fucking god, it was like Mr. Trevino all over again
Well, except Trevino had redeeming qualities, MrGrath does not
Dr. Deocampo harrassed me again too, gonna have to meet with her during study hall tomorrow
Joy
I swear, I'm tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes
I know all my friends think I'm strong and that it doesn't get to me, that I don't care what other people think
But hell, I'm human, of course I'm going to care to some point
I mean yeah, I've been acting a bit weirder then usual
But still, I'm getting so sick of this shit
I wonder if people would care if I just stopped going
At this point it looks like I might fail anyways
I dunno, lately, caring's been really hard to do
It's as if there's something wrong that can't be fixed
And no one understands
Including me
Song of The Entry:
Unwell by Matchbox Twenty
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I choose this song because I've adored it sense I bought the album, even before it got overplayed on the radio. I was listening to it in the car the other day, and the lyrics hit me so hard that while singing along, I started crying. It really expalins my situation at the moment.
I think it's crap, but you can decide for yourself:
Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time, everything went my way
I would always laugh and play
But it all crashed and burned one day
Found my dad dead on the floor
Cried until I couldn’t anymore
Soon after that I forgot to soar
Once upon a time I would always scream
I soon forgot what it was to dream
And things were never quite what they seemed
I was lonely yet rejected everyone
It was as if I didn’t know how to have fun
I felt so old for someone so young
Once upon a time I cried all the time
If someone asked I made up a lie
Inside I felt as if I was going to die
So I found a way to deal with the pain
I just wanted to live again
All I wanted was a real friend
Once upon a time I tore at my skin
Faked a few grins
Pushed away my kin
I was sinking deeper within myself
My heart was safe on its frozen shelf
I refused to let anyone help
Once upon a time I gave up
I decided I had had enough
That I wasn’t really all that tough
But apparently that was not the end
In some ways, that’s when things really began
And there were all these feelings to which I had to attend
Once upon a time I didn’t care
I thought life wasn’t going anywhere
All I did was complain and swear
Now I’m not so sure
There may or may not be a cure
But things will never be the way they were
Once upon a time
Oh God
I swear, sometimes I can relate to the feeling of wanting to shoot people at school
I mean, I would never do it, I'm by no means a violent person, but I feel like it would solve so many issues
So, in Gov class today (AKA: one of the most boring classes ever) my teacher made some quam about me sleeping class (For once though, I wasn't. I just keep my head close to my desk while writing notes)
Now, teachers do that alot, usually it doesn't bother me
It does however bug me that when the kids started chiming in and teasing me, he joked around with them
I swear to fucking god, it was like Mr. Trevino all over again
Well, except Trevino had redeeming qualities, MrGrath does not
Dr. Deocampo harrassed me again too, gonna have to meet with her during study hall tomorrow
Joy
I swear, I'm tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes
I know all my friends think I'm strong and that it doesn't get to me, that I don't care what other people think
But hell, I'm human, of course I'm going to care to some point
I mean yeah, I've been acting a bit weirder then usual
But still, I'm getting so sick of this shit
I wonder if people would care if I just stopped going
At this point it looks like I might fail anyways
I dunno, lately, caring's been really hard to do
It's as if there's something wrong that can't be fixed
And no one understands
Including me
Song of The Entry:
Unwell by Matchbox Twenty
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I choose this song because I've adored it sense I bought the album, even before it got overplayed on the radio. I was listening to it in the car the other day, and the lyrics hit me so hard that while singing along, I started crying. It really expalins my situation at the moment.