They All Fell, You Could Fall Too, Or You Could Sew Your Wings And Try To Fly Right Through

[desertions]

I feel so insecure lately
For the first time in my life, I don't know who I am anymore
I don't know where I'm going
I'm drifting, trying not to be pulled under the chaos that I seem to attract
For the first time in a very long time I find myself afraid
I'm terrified of what's going to happen
I suddenly find myself with more friends then I've ever had, and it scares me
I am trusted by several as a confident, and that scares me
I am almost positive that I will screw things up royally
All my life I've tried to keep people away from me
I listened to them, made myself likeable, but I still was distant
People could know me for ages and no virtually nothing about me
I liked it that way.
I was trusted, and there was no risk on my part
After my grandfather died, I barely even allowed for that
And now I suddenly find myself more open to people then I've ever been
And it scares me
I'm used to my masks, my fake sweet words, my make believe
I'm an actress, I don't know how to be real

Cause what am I really?
Am I the strong, perseverant girl others see?
Or am I the scared little girl who just wants her parents back?

I've stumbled through life, and I barely know how to walk through it now
I'm learning, but it's uneasy for me
I have to trust people, yet that's one of the hardest things for me
There haven't been alot of people in my past I could trust

I thought maybe I would be better off alone
But that proved me wrong too

I want something to move me
I want something to make me see the world differently
I want something to remind me that there is a world beyond pain

I thought having a boyfriend might fill that void inside me
I was very, very wrong about that
And I want to take this time to apoligize to Mitchell for that
To put that pressure on you, to put you on that pedestal
I know how hard that was for you, and how guilty it made you feel
And I'm sorry
I never intended to hurt you
But I did anyways
And for that I am truly sorry

So what now?
Where do I go from here?
I know what I've done wrong, but what can I do right?

I guess I'll just have to take it a day at a time
And hope for the best

Song of the Entry:

Take Tommorow (One Day At A Time) by Butch Walker

You got lost, For a while.
You've been trying to find a smile.
You got stood up, then you fell down,
and when you needed , there was no one 'round.
You loved the previews and hate the movie.
You scream at the screen, "Something move me!"
before you start to fade away.

Give me all your fear, Throw it all away.
and think about the good things, no matter what they say,
we'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
one day at a time.

You just stare into space,
you found love but it got erased,
you're on the road with all the stoplights,
and you're too afraid to turn the wrong from right.
You ate your soul and it made ya fat,
starve yourself from everything else that makes you completely full.

So give me all your fear, throw it all away.
Think about the good things, no matter what they say.
We'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
one day at a time.

So you run, so you hide,
and you watched as they die,
they all fell, you could fall too,
or you could sew your wings and try to fly right through.

Give me all your fear, throw it all away.
Think about the good things, no matter what they say.
We'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
One day at a time.
One day at a time.

This is a truly beautiful song. I don't know if any of you have heard it, but it made me cry. I seriously suggest it