Somehow You Lay The Blame On Me....

[desertions]

It's scary how suddenly things are taking a turn for the worse
I'm trying to swing it back, but the more I try the more I mess it up
Why did I scream like that?
Refuse to leave the bed or put the clothes on?
I mean, I was tired, I had gotten no sleep the night before
But still
Anyways, I had ended up staying home again
My grandma was so "worried" that she had me call like every hour to check in
And now she's feeding me sleeping pills every night
I told her we should wait until I can talk to my pyschiatrist
But apparently she knows better
Everyone in the house is giving me weird looks now
I really, really messed up
I have never had an episode that badly before
Does this mean I'm loosing it?
Am I just slowly descending into madness?

That's what it feels like lately

I was glad to get the call from Mrs. Tanner yesterday, it was just what I needed
She was the first person in weeks who made me feel okay
Too bad it'll be sometime before I can come over again
A long while it sounds like

April Can't Come Soon Enough

You know, that's all I ever wanted from my own parents
To just hold me sometimes and make me feel okay

I wonder sometimes if I'm really sick...
Or if I became sick because they kept telling me I was

I'm not sure anymore

But I am sure of this: I won't last much longer in this house

Maybe I will take Mrs. Tanner up on her offer.....

I'd hate to take advantadge of them like that though

Hmm....sleeping pills kicking in now

Song of the Entry:

Medication by Garbage
I don't need an education
I learnt all I need from you
They've got me on some medication
My point of balance was askew
It keeps my temperature from rising
My blood is pumping through my veins

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
Nobody gives a damn about me
Or anybody else

I wear myself out in the morning
You're asleep when I get home
Please don't call me self defending
You know it cuts me to the bone
Though it's really not surprising
I hold a force I can't contain

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
Nobody gives a damn about me
Or anybody else

And still you call me co-dependent
Somehow you lay the blame on me
And still you call me co-dependent
Somehow you lay the blame on me

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
I've got to make a point these days
To extricate myself

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
Nobody gives a damn about me
Or anybody else

And still you call me co-dependent
Somehow you lay the blame on me
And still you call me co-dependent

Somehow you lay the blame on me
Somehow you lay the blame on me
Somehow you lay the blame on me