Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2005-01-17 11:33 pm
desertions) wrote2005-01-17 11:33 pm
But As Bad As I Am I'm Proud Of The Fact That I'm Worse Than I Seem
What am I looking for?
What do I want out of life?
Lately I seem obbessed with this question
As the world continues to change it sucks me in
Everything I was sure of, few though they were, have been shaken
Nothing makes sense anymore
I used to see everything in black and white
But this grey I see now is suffacating
I want to change things back
But I can't
And there are people who need me
Who love me
Who I sometimes abuse
And still they love me
Shouldn't that be enough?
Shouldn't knowing people care be enough?
But it isn't
I can whisper to myself that I'm loved and still end up crying because I feel so alone
Is there a defect in me?
Why now?
Couldn't it of waited?
How can I worry about school work when I feel my world slipping away from me
Why me?
God, I know I sound so pathetic, so emo, but still, why me?
Why is it always me?
I just want to be happy
I want to see in colors instead of grey
I want to stop crying almost everyday
I want to stop the demons whispering in my head
I want to run away from myself
I want...release
Maybe someday I'll find the thing or person who can save me
Song of the Entry:
Grey by Ani Difranco
the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey
and i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way
i smoke and i drink
and every time i blink
i have a tiny dream
but as bad as i am
i'm proud of the fact
that i'm worse than i seem
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
you walk through my walls
like a ghost on tv
you penetrate me
and my little pink heart
is on its little brown raft
floating out to sea
and what can i say
but i'm wired this way
and you're wired to me
and what can i do
but wallow in you
unintentionally
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?
with overtones ringing
and undertows pulling away
under a sky that is grey
on sand that is grey
by an ocean that's grey
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
What do I want out of life?
Lately I seem obbessed with this question
As the world continues to change it sucks me in
Everything I was sure of, few though they were, have been shaken
Nothing makes sense anymore
I used to see everything in black and white
But this grey I see now is suffacating
I want to change things back
But I can't
And there are people who need me
Who love me
Who I sometimes abuse
And still they love me
Shouldn't that be enough?
Shouldn't knowing people care be enough?
But it isn't
I can whisper to myself that I'm loved and still end up crying because I feel so alone
Is there a defect in me?
Why now?
Couldn't it of waited?
How can I worry about school work when I feel my world slipping away from me
Why me?
God, I know I sound so pathetic, so emo, but still, why me?
Why is it always me?
I just want to be happy
I want to see in colors instead of grey
I want to stop crying almost everyday
I want to stop the demons whispering in my head
I want to run away from myself
I want...release
Maybe someday I'll find the thing or person who can save me
Song of the Entry:
Grey by Ani Difranco
the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey
and i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way
i smoke and i drink
and every time i blink
i have a tiny dream
but as bad as i am
i'm proud of the fact
that i'm worse than i seem
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
you walk through my walls
like a ghost on tv
you penetrate me
and my little pink heart
is on its little brown raft
floating out to sea
and what can i say
but i'm wired this way
and you're wired to me
and what can i do
but wallow in you
unintentionally
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?
with overtones ringing
and undertows pulling away
under a sky that is grey
on sand that is grey
by an ocean that's grey
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore