So Don't Blame Me If I Decide To Go Hide Or Instead To Just Run....

My family gets on my nerves
I'm sorry, but they do, they really do
The first half of today was okay
Visited my old elementry school, talked to some of the yard aids, fed the nostalgia I've been feeling lately
Anyways, then I went to my grandma's office to meet up with her and my uncle and mom
We went to Beverly Hills for dinner for my sister, something I wasn't looking forward to
That went okay, talked to my cousin Briana most of the time
Explained the Mitchell situation more times then I cared to, but whatever
What sucked was the ride home
Right away my mom starts getting on my case about my relationship with my sister, and how it was good that for once I wasn't totally "cold" to Sheena
I couldn't take it, I snapped, and I rarely snap at my mother
I told her how much it hurt that no matter what the situation, she always takes Sheena's side
That she never stood up for me when Sheena would treat me like literal shit
Yet if I show a slight amount of anger towards my sister, she makes this huge deal
And she told me that I was being unfair, that she would never do that
But she does
It turned into this big argument/discussion thing
And I was curled in my corner of the backseat, crying so hard
She has this amazing power to make me feel so guilty for having these feelings
I wish I wasn't so jealous of Sheena...
but it's hard when I've worked so hard to get better for so long and no one gives me credit
Yet the moment Sheena starts getting her act together, they treat her like some sort of fucking god
I guess it's the whole Prodigal Son thing or something...
And even when I've had problems, they always try to help her with hers more
When I tried to kill myself, they barely even seemed to do anything, except double my theraphy
Yet with Sheena's drug problem, they give her constat support
I'm so tired of this...
I feel so juvenile, but it's true
I'm tired of being in her shadow...
And sometimes, I don't want to be me...

Song of The Moment:

I Don't Want To Be Me by Amanda Clemens

I'm not feeling so bold
Can't you see I don't want to grow old
And my photograph's an epitaph of parody
I don't want to be me

I'm not feeling so sure
It would help if you offered a cure
If I wait, it's too late for the remedy
I don't want to be me

You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run

I'm not feeling so well
Maybe we could just sit for a spell
And make amends, it depends on my injury
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be me
You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to just run
You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run

I finally found a place to download this song...I've loved it since I first heard it on that episode of Degrassi....
It fits how I often feel...