I was tired but I wasn't sleeping
Feb. 20th, 2022 03:33 amIt feels like for the first time in a while, things are turning around. I don't write in this regularly but for the past....eight months or so I was stuck in a really toxic/abusive roommate relationship. It was to the point where I barely ate or left my room and had nearly had panic attacks every time she texted me as that was her main form of harassing and verbally assaulting me, and it would often go until late in the evening. No matter what I tried to do, she was never happy, and was convinced I was ruining her home, even though I wasn't. And any defense or boundary I tried to put up was just me "making excuses" or doing "mental gymnastics". I think people throw around the term gaslighting a little too loosely these days, but that's how I felt. The day I came back for the last of my furniture she screamed at me and verbally abused me in front of my movers. It was horrible and embarrassing all at once. It was also telling she didn't try to do this the day I got the majority of my stuff, when my sister and friends were there. She waited until I was more alone.
Luckily, with some help from my family I was able to move out. I live further into LA than I'd ideally like, but I have a little studio, and it's mine, and me and Pax (my cat) are so much happier here.
I also started a new job this week. I'm working at APAIT, which is a non-profit that originally was created to serve Asian and Pacific Islanders with HIV/AIDS but has really broadened the groups it helps over the past thirty years. As my associate number hasn't come in yet I'll be working as a case manager like position for a transitional house for homeless trans women. Once I get my number I'll move into a therapist role. I'm really excited, honestly. The organization seems really great and so far everyone seems super nice.
I've never been this completely on my own before and it's scary, but it's also exciting. Though man...working in person again is a trip. I have lost my ability for small talk in the past two years. Though I did meet someone who does Tumblr rp and we bonded pretty quickly over dumb fandom stuff, so that was fun. It's been a lot thrown at me at once, but I think I'm handling it okay. Better than I expected.
Things are a little tight financially right now as moves are expensive and I needed a lot of stuff for the apartment, but I know that won't be forever. Nothing is forever.
Luckily, with some help from my family I was able to move out. I live further into LA than I'd ideally like, but I have a little studio, and it's mine, and me and Pax (my cat) are so much happier here.
I also started a new job this week. I'm working at APAIT, which is a non-profit that originally was created to serve Asian and Pacific Islanders with HIV/AIDS but has really broadened the groups it helps over the past thirty years. As my associate number hasn't come in yet I'll be working as a case manager like position for a transitional house for homeless trans women. Once I get my number I'll move into a therapist role. I'm really excited, honestly. The organization seems really great and so far everyone seems super nice.
I've never been this completely on my own before and it's scary, but it's also exciting. Though man...working in person again is a trip. I have lost my ability for small talk in the past two years. Though I did meet someone who does Tumblr rp and we bonded pretty quickly over dumb fandom stuff, so that was fun. It's been a lot thrown at me at once, but I think I'm handling it okay. Better than I expected.
Things are a little tight financially right now as moves are expensive and I needed a lot of stuff for the apartment, but I know that won't be forever. Nothing is forever.