![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Honesty is good right?
Here is some hardcore honesty
For the past few months I was doing really, really badly
I tried to act like I was fighting on and having hope
But I didn't
I was going through one of my bad bouts, and again, didn't talk to many people about it
In fact, it's safe to say I was near suicidal a good half the time
I thought there was no way out of all the shit that was going on
There was one thing on top of another, and I was trying to keep everything together
But I was falling apart
This had started somewhere last year, was numbed slightly while I was going out with Mitchell then blew up once again even before we broke up
I'm doing alot better now
I mean, yeah, I'm still having bad days, and I tend to think and dwell too much, but you know what's been the best thing for me?
Actually talking about this stuff
I used to keep everything so bottled in
To the point where I felt like I was going to break
I still hold in alot, I'll give you that
I have a hard time trusting people, but here's the difference:
I'm trying
I actually want to get better
I'm tired of feeling like this
I feel like this is all I've ever known
And the little things that kept me going aren't working anymore
I want more, yet I'm unsure of what to do
I keep falling, even though I'm grasping to the walls
I want someone to help me up, yet have a hard time letting them
I am a walking contradiction
I want love and affection but fear it all the same time
I think that one of things about me that ultimately helped my relationship with Mitchell fail
My inability to just let go and trust someone
And until I learn to do so, I'm going to stay alone
But doing so is harder then it sounds
I've had this shell on so long I feel as if it's come apart of me
But I want out
Song of the Entry:
Any Old Actress by Rasputina
They saw her break through barriers 40 feet high.
It was the finest moment in a long life.
Young boys will tack her pictures over their bed.
They saw her mouth move but couldn't hear what she said.
"You're a souvenir, a darling, dear."
She used to say that kind of thing.
"You're a mantlepiece with strong beliefs."
Only her black rainbow meant something.
Don't cry for her now. Oh yeah. Don't cry for her.
I saw the sailor talking with the cops.
I saw the sailor walking with the cops.
First comes the nurse, that just got back from war.
She had a feather in her cap. That's all she wore.
Then comes the mother and she's got a friend.
And they start yelling at you and that's how it all began .
It's one of those things you should not try at home.
What's meant by intentional falls can never be known.
And old actress worth her salt outta know
The higher you are you want to see what's below.
For refrence to people with access to Rasputina CDs (Jasmine, and Mitchell, if your sister lets you borrow them, or lets you make copies) This song is on the Thanks For The Ether CD, and is probably to this day my very favorite song by them
Here is some hardcore honesty
For the past few months I was doing really, really badly
I tried to act like I was fighting on and having hope
But I didn't
I was going through one of my bad bouts, and again, didn't talk to many people about it
In fact, it's safe to say I was near suicidal a good half the time
I thought there was no way out of all the shit that was going on
There was one thing on top of another, and I was trying to keep everything together
But I was falling apart
This had started somewhere last year, was numbed slightly while I was going out with Mitchell then blew up once again even before we broke up
I'm doing alot better now
I mean, yeah, I'm still having bad days, and I tend to think and dwell too much, but you know what's been the best thing for me?
Actually talking about this stuff
I used to keep everything so bottled in
To the point where I felt like I was going to break
I still hold in alot, I'll give you that
I have a hard time trusting people, but here's the difference:
I'm trying
I actually want to get better
I'm tired of feeling like this
I feel like this is all I've ever known
And the little things that kept me going aren't working anymore
I want more, yet I'm unsure of what to do
I keep falling, even though I'm grasping to the walls
I want someone to help me up, yet have a hard time letting them
I am a walking contradiction
I want love and affection but fear it all the same time
I think that one of things about me that ultimately helped my relationship with Mitchell fail
My inability to just let go and trust someone
And until I learn to do so, I'm going to stay alone
But doing so is harder then it sounds
I've had this shell on so long I feel as if it's come apart of me
But I want out
Song of the Entry:
Any Old Actress by Rasputina
They saw her break through barriers 40 feet high.
It was the finest moment in a long life.
Young boys will tack her pictures over their bed.
They saw her mouth move but couldn't hear what she said.
"You're a souvenir, a darling, dear."
She used to say that kind of thing.
"You're a mantlepiece with strong beliefs."
Only her black rainbow meant something.
Don't cry for her now. Oh yeah. Don't cry for her.
I saw the sailor talking with the cops.
I saw the sailor walking with the cops.
First comes the nurse, that just got back from war.
She had a feather in her cap. That's all she wore.
Then comes the mother and she's got a friend.
And they start yelling at you and that's how it all began .
It's one of those things you should not try at home.
What's meant by intentional falls can never be known.
And old actress worth her salt outta know
The higher you are you want to see what's below.
For refrence to people with access to Rasputina CDs (Jasmine, and Mitchell, if your sister lets you borrow them, or lets you make copies) This song is on the Thanks For The Ether CD, and is probably to this day my very favorite song by them
