No One's Been Crueller Then I've Been To Me....

Wow, what a day
So much, yet so little
If that makes any sense
Went to the Buddhist temple
I really enjoyed that
Wish my friends had been in my group though
Oh well, still had a good time none the less
Bought some incense for my room
Yay!
Went to theraphy with my grandma
Talked over some stuff with her
Got my ban from the Tanners shortned
Now it's only until April instead of the end of the school year
Not ideal but it is better
Which is good
My mom is pissed off/hysterical again
At me
Because having my own life makes me a bad daughter
I swear, no matter how hard I try I can't make things go right
I try to be a good daughter
But it's not wrong to want to do things with my friends, is it?
I didn't think so
Got a letter from CSLB
Didn't get in
And apparenty I forgot to list Art on my classes
Fuuuuck!
Gotta call the other Cal States before they make descions
Figures, I'll get rejected cause I was a dumbass when filling out applications
Bah
I can't do things right
I'm trying to sort my life out
But it's hard
Everytime I think I'm breathing again I start to drown

And I'm sorry
I'm sorry that I feel so wretched
I'm sorry that I sabatoge myself
I'm sorry that no matter how much others love me
I can't seem to love myself

It's true what they say, you are your own worst enemy

Song of The Entry:

Sorry to Myself by Alanis Morissette

For hearing all my doubts so selectively
And for continuing my numbing love endlessly.
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and over functioning.
To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueller than I've been to me.

For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For myself love being so embarrassingly conditional.
And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible
And for trying to fit a rectangle into a ball.

And to whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueller than I've been to me.

I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else.
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.

For blaming myself for your unhappiness
And for my impatience when I was perfect where I was.
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready,
And expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be.

To whom do I owe the first apology?
No one's been crueller than I've been to me.

And I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else.
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.

Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest ?
Forgetting you or forgetting myself...
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter,
I would've naturally loved the former.

For ignoring you: my highest voices.
For smiling when my strife was all too obvious.
For being so disassociated from my body,
And for not letting go when it would've been the kindest thing.

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me.

And
I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.
I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else