I Fear I'm The Only One Who Thinks This Way

Depression is an interesting subject
People react so differently to it
Everyone has their own view of it
We were watching a video about it today during the assembly, and it sort of got me thinking
Almost all my friends have dealt with some sort of depression or another
I don't think there's a single person I know who hasn't

And yet, why does it always feel so lonely for us?
I know for me I've always felt so alone in this darkness
Though people try to help me, I always reject it
I always assume that they don't understand
That they can't understand

But I guess alot of them could
Most people I know can probably relate to alot of this in some form or another
So why do I push them away?
Act like I don't want their help?
But then do crazy, stupid things to try to get their attention?
My actions contradict themselves constantly
I do not understand me
But I know I'm sick of this

I've been told I was depressed for the last seven years of my life
That's a long time
It's come to the point where I'm not even sure if I'm depressed because I'm truly depressed or if I became this way cause they kept telling me I was

But...I know I want more of this
I'm tired, hell, I'm worn out being like this
It's pratically drained the life out me

I want more
I want to be something big
I want to be something grand
Yet I can't help but feel like this all I have
Cause after all, this is all I've ever really known

A friend the other day told me that I could be really big someday, not just great, but fantastic, famous even, if I just tried.
Then she asked me what was holding me back

That's a good question

Song of the Entry:

I Do Not Want This by Nine Inch Nails

I'm losing ground
you know how this world can beat you down
I'm made of clay
I fear I'm the only one who thinks this way
I'm always falling down the same hill
bamboo puncturing this skin
and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall I'm drowning in
2 feet below the surface I can still make out your wavy face
and if I could just reach you maybe I could leave this place
I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this
don't you tell me how I feel
don't you tell me how I feel
don't you tell me how I feel
you don't know just how I feel
I stay inside my bed
I have lived so many lives all in my head
don't tell me that you care
there really isn't anything, is there?
you would know, wouldn't you?
you extend your hand to those who suffer
to those who know what it really feels like
to those who've had a taste
like that means something
and oh so sick I am
and maybe I don't have a choice
and maybe that is all I have
and maybe this is a cry for help
I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this
don't you tell me how I feel
don't you tell me how I feel
don't you tell me how I feel
you don't know just how I feel

I want to know everything
I want to be everywhere
I want to fuck everyone in the world
I want to do something that matters


One of my favorite NIN songs, I think I posted it once before, like two years ago, but oh well.