So, I Must Learn To Walk Today, Oh, They Clipped My Wings

I was looking through my old journal entries
It's funny how about a year ago it seemed like I was finally pulling out of my depression
I seemed so happy, almost carefree
My grades were good, I was in advanced classes for once
I was getting more friends, and for the first time in my life, a boyfriend
I rarely felt the need to mope around home
If I got down, I would just make plans
One time in particular that stands out was Prom
I was so happy, so over the heels happy
Look in the pictures, for once my smiles actually looked real
It seemed like nothing would get me down again
What happened?
What the hell happened?
What is so wrong that for once in my fucking life I was happy?
It must of lasted only a few months, but god, how I reveled in it
For the first time in years I had actually felt alive
Now I feel cut off
Like I can't breathe
It's worse now, because I remember what happiness is now
And how close I was to it
It didn't help that every turn my family kept telling me I was going to fuck up
Whether it was grades or my emotional issues
Guess they were right, or did it happen because their words had a subconcious effect?
Perhaps it was my own pride that got in the way
Thinking that it would last forever
I feel like I've been chained here, or something to that effect
But I refuse to give up
I will rise again
If I can't fly, I'll learn to walk
I'll learn to take help where I can get it
And try to ignore those who would hinder me
It hurts me to be like this
I hate being like this
But, for now, I have no choice
So I'll just pretend and fake a smile
And eventually, maybe I'll learn to bring those real ones back

Song of the Entry:

Clipped by Rasputina

Against my will
It hurts me still.
It really stings.
They clipped my wings.

What could I do?
Everything's new.
How my knees lock.
How will I walk?

Now that they're gone
I feel strong.
I say Oooh...
They did get in my way
I will learn to walk today

I cast aside
My downy pride.
All heaven's things
They clipped my wings.

I have heard how God sings.
Ooo, they clipped my wings.

Oh, the sadness that it brings.
I will try to act like it's ok.
Oh, they clipped my wings.

So, I must learn to walk today.
Oh, they clipped my wings.

No, I'm Not Trying To Avoid My Religion Paper At All...

[x] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I've run away from home.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[x] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[x] I listen to political music.
[x] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3
[x] I own something from Hot Topic
[X] I love Disney Movies.
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[x] I have a job
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty oF tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[x] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I see a therapist.
[x] I love chocolate.
[ ] bite my nails.
[ ] I am comfortable with being me.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[x] Gotten lost in your city- Biz doesn't call me the Female Ryoga for nothing
[x] Saw a shooting star
[x] Been to any other countries besides the united states
[ ] I Had a serious Surgery
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] I have Kissed a Stranger
[ ] Hugged a stranger
[ ] Been in a fist fight
[ ] Been arrested
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator - except the emergency stop button
[ ] Made out in an elevator
[x] Swore at your parents
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts
[x] Been in love
[x] Been to a casino
[ ] Been skydiving
[x] Broken a bone
[x] Skipped school
[x] Flashed someone
[x] Saw a therapist
[ ] Done the splits
[ ] Played spin the bottle
[x] Gotten stitches
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] Bitten someone
[x] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[ ] Kissed a member of the same sex
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi
[x] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired
[x] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
[ ] Stole something from your job
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[x] Lied to a friend
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher
[ ] Celebrated mardigras in New Orleans
[x] Been to Europe
[ ] Slept with a co-worker
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[ ] Had children
[x] Saw someone dying
[ ] Been to Africa
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[x] Been to Canada
[ ] Been to Mexico
[x] Been on a plane
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] Thrown up in a bar
[x] Eaten Sushi
[x] Been snowboarding
[x] Been Skiing
[ ] Met someone in person from the internet
[ ] Been to a moto cross show
[ ] Lost a child
[ ] Gone to college
[ ] Graduated college
[ ] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers
[ ] Had someone cheat on you
[x] Miss someone right now

(no subject)

The Violin at the end of "You Won't Be Mine" by Matchbox Twenty is gorgeus
Yesterday, when we went out to dinner, there were violists there and they played my very favorite classical peice, Claire De Lune by Debussy.


No, I'm not trying to avoid my paper on Judaism
What gave you that idea?