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You know, originally, I planned on ranting about my theories on the next HP book, but instead...
I'm going to rant about something totally different
So, lately, I have not even wanted to talk to my mother
I'm sorry, but her whole "pity me" act is getting on my nerves
She takes everything out of context
Sometimes I'm bending over backwards to do something nice, or think of her best interests
And she acts like I'm being this horribly selfish child
A good example of this would be yesterday
Around 10:00 am (for refrence, this is a generally bad time to call me, cause if I'm up, I just got up, and I'm not always pleasent/cohereanet in the morning) the phone rings
I grumble awake and pick up, and first thing she asks is what time we were going to the movies on Friday, so she could go with us to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory
I calmly tell her that we're going to the 8:20 showing, which would be too late for her to take the bus home after
So she gets huffy and asks why she can't go to the book thing with us (To get the sixth HP book)
Keep in mind, my mother has a severe anxiety disorder
A crowd like that would send her into a horrible panic attack
Which ruin the evening for not just her, but all involved
So I tried to tell her that I really didn't think she would want to come
And then she got offended and asked "You don't want me there?"
It went downhill from there, something about me never wanting to see her anymore and choosing my friends over her
And sobbing
I offered to see the movie with her again sometime during the week, but she didn't even hear it
Finally, I just gave up, because when she's that upset, there's no calming her down, and it was upsetting me as well
And I hung up and called Meagen to just kind of rant and calm down, and hopefully go back to sleep
No, my mother kept calling, on both the house line and my cell
In total, she left five messeges on my phone, three texts, and three messeges on the house line
Excessive much?
I would let it slide if this was unusual
But the problem is...it isn't
This kind of stuff happens constantly
And I know, she's gone through some horrible stuff, but that does not give her the right to take it out on me when she's panicy or depressed
She was the reason why when I was young, I thought I wasn't supposed to be upset, because she had it so much worse
Hell, I'm pretty sure my relationship with her is what originally drove me to self-injurying, though I was so young at the time it's hard to remember
And I think she likes it when I'm depressed or not doing well
Because she wants me to be like her
So we can be messed up together
And you know, at one time, I was okay with playing that role
But not now
Because it doesn't work
I look at how miserable she is, and it sends shivers down my spine
I NEVER want to be that bad
I would kill myself before getting to her point
She doesn't even try to get better anymore
Then again, she stopped trying around the time my dad died
In the past 8 years, she's spent more time in the mental hospital then out
Hell, she hasn't even lived in the same house as me since I was about 10
For a long time, I thought she might get better, but better is usually just temporary
And I'm frankly just tired of waiting for something that's not going to happen
PS. I have red hair now
PPS. I won't be online again until I finish Harry Potter and The Half-blood Prince. No spoilers for me this time
Song of the Entry:
Points of Authority by Linkin Park
Forfeit the game / Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame / Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face / You can’t run the race
The pace is too fast / You just won't last
You love the way I look at you
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through
You take away if I give in
My life
My pride is broken
You like to think you’re never wrong
(You live what you’ve learned)
You have to act like you’re someone
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want someone to hurt like you
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to share what you’ve been through
(You live what you’ve learned)
You love the things I say I’ll do
The way I’ll hurt myself again just to get back at you
You take away when I give in / my life
My pride is broken
You like to think you’re never wrong
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to act like you’re someone
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want someone to hurt like you
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to share what you’ve been through
(You live what you’ve learned)
Forfeit the game / Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame / Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face / You can’t run the race
The pace is too fast / You just won't last
You like to think you’re never wrong
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to act like you’re someone
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want someone to hurt like you
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to share what you’ve been through
(You live what you’ve learned)
You like to think you’re never wrong / forfeit the game
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to act like you’re someone / forfeit the game
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want someone to hurt like you / forfeit the game
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to share what you’ve been through / forfeit the game
(You live what you’ve learned)
I'm going to rant about something totally different
So, lately, I have not even wanted to talk to my mother
I'm sorry, but her whole "pity me" act is getting on my nerves
She takes everything out of context
Sometimes I'm bending over backwards to do something nice, or think of her best interests
And she acts like I'm being this horribly selfish child
A good example of this would be yesterday
Around 10:00 am (for refrence, this is a generally bad time to call me, cause if I'm up, I just got up, and I'm not always pleasent/cohereanet in the morning) the phone rings
I grumble awake and pick up, and first thing she asks is what time we were going to the movies on Friday, so she could go with us to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory
I calmly tell her that we're going to the 8:20 showing, which would be too late for her to take the bus home after
So she gets huffy and asks why she can't go to the book thing with us (To get the sixth HP book)
Keep in mind, my mother has a severe anxiety disorder
A crowd like that would send her into a horrible panic attack
Which ruin the evening for not just her, but all involved
So I tried to tell her that I really didn't think she would want to come
And then she got offended and asked "You don't want me there?"
It went downhill from there, something about me never wanting to see her anymore and choosing my friends over her
And sobbing
I offered to see the movie with her again sometime during the week, but she didn't even hear it
Finally, I just gave up, because when she's that upset, there's no calming her down, and it was upsetting me as well
And I hung up and called Meagen to just kind of rant and calm down, and hopefully go back to sleep
No, my mother kept calling, on both the house line and my cell
In total, she left five messeges on my phone, three texts, and three messeges on the house line
Excessive much?
I would let it slide if this was unusual
But the problem is...it isn't
This kind of stuff happens constantly
And I know, she's gone through some horrible stuff, but that does not give her the right to take it out on me when she's panicy or depressed
She was the reason why when I was young, I thought I wasn't supposed to be upset, because she had it so much worse
Hell, I'm pretty sure my relationship with her is what originally drove me to self-injurying, though I was so young at the time it's hard to remember
And I think she likes it when I'm depressed or not doing well
Because she wants me to be like her
So we can be messed up together
And you know, at one time, I was okay with playing that role
But not now
Because it doesn't work
I look at how miserable she is, and it sends shivers down my spine
I NEVER want to be that bad
I would kill myself before getting to her point
She doesn't even try to get better anymore
Then again, she stopped trying around the time my dad died
In the past 8 years, she's spent more time in the mental hospital then out
Hell, she hasn't even lived in the same house as me since I was about 10
For a long time, I thought she might get better, but better is usually just temporary
And I'm frankly just tired of waiting for something that's not going to happen
PS. I have red hair now
PPS. I won't be online again until I finish Harry Potter and The Half-blood Prince. No spoilers for me this time
Song of the Entry:
Points of Authority by Linkin Park
Forfeit the game / Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame / Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face / You can’t run the race
The pace is too fast / You just won't last
You love the way I look at you
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through
You take away if I give in
My life
My pride is broken
You like to think you’re never wrong
(You live what you’ve learned)
You have to act like you’re someone
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want someone to hurt like you
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to share what you’ve been through
(You live what you’ve learned)
You love the things I say I’ll do
The way I’ll hurt myself again just to get back at you
You take away when I give in / my life
My pride is broken
You like to think you’re never wrong
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to act like you’re someone
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want someone to hurt like you
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to share what you’ve been through
(You live what you’ve learned)
Forfeit the game / Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame / Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face / You can’t run the race
The pace is too fast / You just won't last
You like to think you’re never wrong
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to act like you’re someone
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want someone to hurt like you
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to share what you’ve been through
(You live what you’ve learned)
You like to think you’re never wrong / forfeit the game
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to act like you’re someone / forfeit the game
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want someone to hurt like you / forfeit the game
(You live what you’ve learned)
You want to share what you’ve been through / forfeit the game
(You live what you’ve learned)
