Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2005-03-21 01:40 am
desertions) wrote2005-03-21 01:40 am
I Guess I Thought I Could Never Feel The Things I Feel
I was filling out this fandom meme thing so you didn't have to listen to me whine
But then my computer froze right when I finished
I don't feel like finding it and filling it out again
So listen to me whine you must
Or you could just scroll over this
As much as I hate to think of it lately as my mind travels to last year, one thing it focuses
Excuse me, one person really, is Mitchell
Or I guess the idea I had of him
Even though we definetly had problems in our relationship, espically near the end....
For a long time I was happy with him
I never remember being that happy with another person
Out of all the guys I ever had feelings for, as short lived as it may or may not of been, I think my feelings for him were the strongest
I was really crushed when we broke up, even though I had sort of seen it coming
I had sincerly hoped that somehow things could of worked out
I walked around in a daze for weeks, couldn't go his house for over a month
I couldn't figure it out
We had so much in common, even our personality types are somewhat similar though I think I'm a bit more extroverted then he
I kept trying to figure out what went wrong, yet couldn't pinpoint a thing
Most of that's worked out now, and while I know it can never work out with us
Sometimes I find that wistfull thinking come back to me
And maybe it's just because the first cut is the worst
I've never "loved" a person before
I've never been like this before
Usually, by this point I'm completely over things
So why is it that everyonce in a while, like if I go through my prom stuff, I still feel that stab in my stomach?
I always told myself I would never get this way over a guy or anyone
That I was better then this
I never expected for it to be this hard
Is it weird that I still get so upset over it sometimes?
That sometimes, in the dark of my room, I still cry over it?
Or am I just confusing things
Maybe I'm not crying over him but I'm crying because I'm alone
It didn't bother me much before, well it did, but I was used to it
Now it bothers me more because I've had it and now I want it and don't have it
I guess I'm just rambling
Sorry Mitchell, Mrs. Tanner, if I made either one of you uncomfortable with this
Just...stuff going through my head
Like always
Song of the Entry:
Hey Jupiter by Tori Amos
No one’s picking up the phone
Guess it’s me and me
And this little masochist
She’s ready to confess
All the things that I never thought
That she could feel and
Hey jupiter
Nothing’s been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to
And I thought I wouldn’t have to be with you
As something new
Sometimes I breathe you in
And I know you know
And sometimes you take a swim
Found your writing on my wall
If my heart’s soaking wet
Boy your boots can leave a mess
Hey jupiter
Nothings been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to
And I thought you wouldn’t have to keep
With me
Hiding
Yes
Thought I knew myself so well
All the dolls I had
Took my leather off the shelf
Your apocalypse was fab
For a girl who couldn’t choose between
The shower or the bath
And I thought I wouldn’t have to be
With you
A magazine
No one’s picking up the phone
Guess it’s clear he’s gone
And this little masochist
Is lifting up her dress
Guess I thought I could never feel
The things I feel
Hey jupiter
Nothing’s been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to
Hey jupiter
Nothing’s been the same
So are you safe
Now we’re through
I thought we both could use a friend
To run to
Hey Jupiter
But then my computer froze right when I finished
I don't feel like finding it and filling it out again
So listen to me whine you must
Or you could just scroll over this
As much as I hate to think of it lately as my mind travels to last year, one thing it focuses
Excuse me, one person really, is Mitchell
Or I guess the idea I had of him
Even though we definetly had problems in our relationship, espically near the end....
For a long time I was happy with him
I never remember being that happy with another person
Out of all the guys I ever had feelings for, as short lived as it may or may not of been, I think my feelings for him were the strongest
I was really crushed when we broke up, even though I had sort of seen it coming
I had sincerly hoped that somehow things could of worked out
I walked around in a daze for weeks, couldn't go his house for over a month
I couldn't figure it out
We had so much in common, even our personality types are somewhat similar though I think I'm a bit more extroverted then he
I kept trying to figure out what went wrong, yet couldn't pinpoint a thing
Most of that's worked out now, and while I know it can never work out with us
Sometimes I find that wistfull thinking come back to me
And maybe it's just because the first cut is the worst
I've never "loved" a person before
I've never been like this before
Usually, by this point I'm completely over things
So why is it that everyonce in a while, like if I go through my prom stuff, I still feel that stab in my stomach?
I always told myself I would never get this way over a guy or anyone
That I was better then this
I never expected for it to be this hard
Is it weird that I still get so upset over it sometimes?
That sometimes, in the dark of my room, I still cry over it?
Or am I just confusing things
Maybe I'm not crying over him but I'm crying because I'm alone
It didn't bother me much before, well it did, but I was used to it
Now it bothers me more because I've had it and now I want it and don't have it
I guess I'm just rambling
Sorry Mitchell, Mrs. Tanner, if I made either one of you uncomfortable with this
Just...stuff going through my head
Like always
Song of the Entry:
Hey Jupiter by Tori Amos
No one’s picking up the phone
Guess it’s me and me
And this little masochist
She’s ready to confess
All the things that I never thought
That she could feel and
Hey jupiter
Nothing’s been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to
And I thought I wouldn’t have to be with you
As something new
Sometimes I breathe you in
And I know you know
And sometimes you take a swim
Found your writing on my wall
If my heart’s soaking wet
Boy your boots can leave a mess
Hey jupiter
Nothings been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to
And I thought you wouldn’t have to keep
With me
Hiding
Yes
Thought I knew myself so well
All the dolls I had
Took my leather off the shelf
Your apocalypse was fab
For a girl who couldn’t choose between
The shower or the bath
And I thought I wouldn’t have to be
With you
A magazine
No one’s picking up the phone
Guess it’s clear he’s gone
And this little masochist
Is lifting up her dress
Guess I thought I could never feel
The things I feel
Hey jupiter
Nothing’s been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to
Hey jupiter
Nothing’s been the same
So are you safe
Now we’re through
I thought we both could use a friend
To run to
Hey Jupiter