There Must Be Something Here...

[desertions]

The wedding was bleh
I knew I shouldn't of taken Cindy up on those drinks
Thought it would help me feel better, made me feel worse
At least my grandma didn't notice I was tipsy
Vodka tastes nasty, almost as nasty as the Corona I washed it down with

Weddings depress me in general though
I don't like them much
Makes me lonely
I found myself thinking about Mitchell alot again
I remembered how after Prom, in old Town Pasadena, all these people thought we were getting married
It amused me so much at the time
Now the memory seems bittersweet

Everyone always blames him for the breakup.
He really took the blunt of it
But I did alot to sabatoge myself in that whole situation
I was never really honest about how I felt with him
I kept him at a distance, afraid to be real
In a way, I think I pushed him away
In the meantime, attaching myself to him in ways I didn't even realize

Then suddenly I was alone
And broken

I want to be fixed again
I want to be in love again
Learn from my mistakes
Someday, maybe one of them will love me back

There has to be something here worth loving
More then this loneliness and emptiness that I've become all too familiar with

I'm just getting tired of heartache, I guess

Song of the Entry:

Baker, Baker by Tori Amos (Alot of her songs remind me of him...)

Baker baker baking a cake
Make me a day
Make me whole again
And I wonder what’s in a day
What’s in your cake this time

I guess you heard he’s gone to la
He says that behind my eyes I’m hiding
And he tells me I pushed him away
That my hearts been hard to find

Here
There must be something here
There must be something here

Baker baker can you explain
If truly his heart was made of icing
And I wonder how mine could taste
Maybe we could change his mind

I know you’re late for your next parade
You came to make sure that I’m not running
Well I ran from him in all kinds of ways
Guess it was his turn this time

Time
Thought I’d made friends with time
Thought we’d be flying
Maybe not this time

Baker baker baking a cake
Make me a day
Make me whole again
And I wonder if he’s okay
If you see him say hi