And Blood And Fire Are Too Much For These Restless Arms To Hold...

[desertions]

Why do I keep screaming over everything?
It seems like lately I'm falling from my control
All I want to do is cut again, that used to always calm me down
How much longer can I keep fighting
Sometimes I think it's a manner of time before I start up again
And not just cutting, but self injury in general
Cutting, burning, scratching, even my episode last night
I really thought I had moved passed all that
That I was stronger then all that
What if I was wrong?

Sometimes I feel like my emotions are too much for me too handle
And if I don't find someway to get them out of me, they'll get to me
But I still try to fight it, because I remember how destructive my life was back then

I pushed away everyone who tried to help me
I was convinced that my pain was the only thing I could count on
And yet as much as I wanted more, I refused to work for it

Eventually, I found people I wanted to be better for
I found reasons to better myself
So why is the temptation so high again?
Am I weak?
I can't help but feel I am

I want to go back to last year
When stopping wasn't so hard
When things weren't so tempting
When I felt safe....

Because if I fall back into that
I don't know if I'll be strong enough to quit again
Doing it once was hard enough

Song of the Entry:

Blood and Fire by The Indigo Girls

I have spent nights with matches and knives
Leaning over ledges only two flights up
Cutting my heart, burning my soul
Nothing left to hold
Nothing left but blood and fire

You have spent nights thinking of me
Missing my arms but you needed to leave
Leaving my cuts, leaving my burns
Hoping I’d learn

But blood and fire
Are too much for these restless arms to hold
And my nights of desire they’re calling me
Back to your fold
And I am calling you, calling you
From 10,000 miles away
Won’t you whet my fire with your love
Babe

I am looking for someone who can take as much as I give
And give back as much as I need
You know and they still have the will to live ah no
Cause I am intense, I am in need
I am in pain, I am in love
And I feel forsaken you know
Like the things I gave away

And blood and fire
Are too much for these restless arms to hold
And my nights of desire they’re calling me
Back to your fold
And I am calling you, calling you
From 10,000 miles away
Won’t you whet my fire with your love
Babe, babe, babe

I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love
You know I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love
I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love
And blood and fire
Are too much for these restless arms to hold
And my nights of desire they’re calling me
Back to your fold
And I am calling you, calling you
From 10,000 miles away
Won’t you whet my fire with your love
Babe
Won’t you whet my fire with your love
Babe now
Whet my fire with your love