Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2005-10-23 10:36 pm
desertions) wrote2005-10-23 10:36 pm
I'm Willing To Go On But Not Alone, Not Now
So I'm cleaning my room (mostly just the floor) so the exterminators can come tommorow...
And what do I come across but my Kairos letters?
Now, for those of you who don't know, Kairos was a big retreat alot of catholic schools have their senior year
One of the most important parts of this are letters you get from friends and loved ones
They're all extremely personal, and some of them very long
I kept all of mine, but I haven't been able to find them for months
So of course, I reread all of them in one sitting
And now I'm crying like a sentimental fool
The ones that got to me the most were the one from my mom, and the one from Meagen
Of course, Meagen's brought some laughs too
I haven't reread the beachhouse fic in ages
And so many pictures of hot men *_*
Man, I still can't believe she sent me three envelopes of stuff
And for the first time in ages, I wasn't crying because I was sad
But because I was touched
It's nice having written reminders of how much people care about you
I will definetly be putting these in a safer place for now on
Man...I've said it before, and I'll say it again
I love you guys
I love you alot
I would die for pretty much any one of you
My friends are what keep me going
They're the ones who whack me when I get too emo
And hug me when I truly need it
And hold me up when I can't stand on my own
And really, I don't think I would of made it through such a hellish year without them
Espically Meagen
Seriously, all the late night phone calls and random visits after my mom died?
More helpful then you will ever know
You were one of the few things keeping me sane that first week or so
And now I'm ready to move on, I think the deeper depression I've been in the past few months is lifting
I'm not saying I never miss my mom or never cry or feel sad for no reason
But my heart feels lighter
I can't explain how or why
But it does
And I know that as long as I have my friends, I'll keep going on
I'm not foolish enough to think I can do this on my own anymore
But that's okay
There's nothing wrong in depending on people sometimes
Just as long as you can depend on yourself as well.
Anyways...I'm babbling now
So back to cleaning!
(And waiting for Vash-mun to get on to finish Tira and Vash's date >>)
Song of the Entry:
Believe by K's Choice
Bravely I look further than I see
Knowing things I know I cannot be, not now
I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is
And there's something right in front of me and I
Touch the fingers of my hand
And I wonder if it's me
Holding on and on to Theories of prosperity
Someone who can promise me
I believe in me
Tomorrow I was nothing, yesterday I'll be
Time has fooled me into thinking it's a part of me
Nothing in this room but empty space
No me, no world, no mind, no face
Touch the fingers of my hand and tell me if it's me
Holding on and on to Love, what else is real
A religion that appeals to me, oh
I believe in me
Can you turn me off for just a second, please
Turn me into something faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless
Vacuum state of peace
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me
Wait for me, I'm nothing on my own
I'm willing to go on, but not alone, not now
I'm so aware of everything, but nothing seems for real and
As long as you're in front of me then I'll
I watch the fingers of our hands
And I'm grateful that it's me
Holding on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me
I'm willing to go on but not alone, not now
I'm so aware of everything
And what do I come across but my Kairos letters?
Now, for those of you who don't know, Kairos was a big retreat alot of catholic schools have their senior year
One of the most important parts of this are letters you get from friends and loved ones
They're all extremely personal, and some of them very long
I kept all of mine, but I haven't been able to find them for months
So of course, I reread all of them in one sitting
And now I'm crying like a sentimental fool
The ones that got to me the most were the one from my mom, and the one from Meagen
Of course, Meagen's brought some laughs too
I haven't reread the beachhouse fic in ages
And so many pictures of hot men *_*
Man, I still can't believe she sent me three envelopes of stuff
And for the first time in ages, I wasn't crying because I was sad
But because I was touched
It's nice having written reminders of how much people care about you
I will definetly be putting these in a safer place for now on
Man...I've said it before, and I'll say it again
I love you guys
I love you alot
I would die for pretty much any one of you
My friends are what keep me going
They're the ones who whack me when I get too emo
And hug me when I truly need it
And hold me up when I can't stand on my own
And really, I don't think I would of made it through such a hellish year without them
Espically Meagen
Seriously, all the late night phone calls and random visits after my mom died?
More helpful then you will ever know
You were one of the few things keeping me sane that first week or so
And now I'm ready to move on, I think the deeper depression I've been in the past few months is lifting
I'm not saying I never miss my mom or never cry or feel sad for no reason
But my heart feels lighter
I can't explain how or why
But it does
And I know that as long as I have my friends, I'll keep going on
I'm not foolish enough to think I can do this on my own anymore
But that's okay
There's nothing wrong in depending on people sometimes
Just as long as you can depend on yourself as well.
Anyways...I'm babbling now
So back to cleaning!
(And waiting for Vash-mun to get on to finish Tira and Vash's date >>)
Song of the Entry:
Believe by K's Choice
Bravely I look further than I see
Knowing things I know I cannot be, not now
I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is
And there's something right in front of me and I
Touch the fingers of my hand
And I wonder if it's me
Holding on and on to Theories of prosperity
Someone who can promise me
I believe in me
Tomorrow I was nothing, yesterday I'll be
Time has fooled me into thinking it's a part of me
Nothing in this room but empty space
No me, no world, no mind, no face
Touch the fingers of my hand and tell me if it's me
Holding on and on to Love, what else is real
A religion that appeals to me, oh
I believe in me
Can you turn me off for just a second, please
Turn me into something faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless
Vacuum state of peace
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me
Wait for me, I'm nothing on my own
I'm willing to go on, but not alone, not now
I'm so aware of everything, but nothing seems for real and
As long as you're in front of me then I'll
I watch the fingers of our hands
And I'm grateful that it's me
Holding on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me
I'm willing to go on but not alone, not now
I'm so aware of everything