Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2006-03-12 11:22 pm
desertions) wrote2006-03-12 11:22 pm
Maybe Tommorow, Maybe Tonight, You Will Look Up And Know I'm Alright
Longest weekend ever ._.
I have not felt this emotionally drained in forever
The detachment is wearing off
And now I'm shifting between emotions
Mostly anger and sadness
Anger because, well, not because of what she said, not most of it anyways
More, it was how she went about saying it
SEspically the fact that she downright refuses to talk to me directly about this
The internet is way too Espically the fact that she downright refuses to talk to me directly about this
The internet is way too impersonal for stuff like this
I think we would both get alot more closure if we talked on the pEspically the fact that she downright refuses to talk to me directly about this
The internet is way too impersonal for stuff like this
I think we would both get alot more closure if we talked on the phone
But, I can hardly force her into things
I do take offense to the fact that she seems to think we can't hold a serious phone conversation
Or the fact that she seems to think we can't get over all this stupid crap
That practically speaks volumes of what she thinks about our friendship
And what she thinks of me
But it also makes me very sad
And not because she was until all this started my "crush"
But because she is one of my closest and dearest friends
And loosing her scares me
I'm not very good at letting go
But it's looking like she may not even be giving me a choice
And it feels very...futile
I don't like feeling this powerless
And part of me still doesn't feel it
It's like I'm watching it on a screen
And there's nothing I can do about stopping it
Still, talking to my grandma helped a bit
Helped me see things a little more objectively
And see things from her side too
My anger can be overwhelming, and that alone could of been why she was trying to avoid the phone
That may of been why she told me when she knew I would be around others as well
Also, as to her taking offense to my joking, that could just be how she reacts
She does tend to guilt herself easily, and I'll have to be more careful
At the same time, it's hard for me to know something bothers someone if they don't tell me
I do not think this is a hopeless case though
As my grandma said, we need to discuss it calmly, but it's fixable
I just hope she feels the same
In the meantime, I guess I should look into Priceline's policies on canceling tickets ._.
But no matter what happens, I know I'm going to be okay, eventually
This is not the end of the world
Song of the Entry:
Losing You by K's Choice
Welcome the rainbow, fading to gray
Spinning around us, making me stay
I'm looking for something like most of us do
I'm looking at god but he's looking at you
He looks for a driver to take him back home
To get it together by being alone
I'm sure he's a writer, he wrote me just now
The letter is empty like I'm living now
But that feels good to do
Compared to losing you
And I'm losing you
Do I need a baby to smother the pain
To stop all I live through from being in vain
Vanity fills me, vanity's nice
But somehow it kills you by hitting you twice
So take it all brother, take it from me
All but my lover 'cause she is in me
So many lovers don't look but they find
We're lovers too but I'm losing my mind
But that feels good to do
Compared to losing you
Can I be a memory
Can I be a part of your ways
Can I be the moonlight
That shines on your beautiful face
You can make me glow
I don't think you know...
I keep on singing a song is a dove
It lives in a desert to celebrate love
May be tomorrow, may be tonight
You will look up and you'll know I'm all right
And I will be ready, ready to ride
Ready to roam as I'm burning inside
But that feels good to do
Compared to losing you
Am I losing you
I have not felt this emotionally drained in forever
The detachment is wearing off
And now I'm shifting between emotions
Mostly anger and sadness
Anger because, well, not because of what she said, not most of it anyways
More, it was how she went about saying it
SEspically the fact that she downright refuses to talk to me directly about this
The internet is way too Espically the fact that she downright refuses to talk to me directly about this
The internet is way too impersonal for stuff like this
I think we would both get alot more closure if we talked on the pEspically the fact that she downright refuses to talk to me directly about this
The internet is way too impersonal for stuff like this
I think we would both get alot more closure if we talked on the phone
But, I can hardly force her into things
I do take offense to the fact that she seems to think we can't hold a serious phone conversation
Or the fact that she seems to think we can't get over all this stupid crap
That practically speaks volumes of what she thinks about our friendship
And what she thinks of me
But it also makes me very sad
And not because she was until all this started my "crush"
But because she is one of my closest and dearest friends
And loosing her scares me
I'm not very good at letting go
But it's looking like she may not even be giving me a choice
And it feels very...futile
I don't like feeling this powerless
And part of me still doesn't feel it
It's like I'm watching it on a screen
And there's nothing I can do about stopping it
Still, talking to my grandma helped a bit
Helped me see things a little more objectively
And see things from her side too
My anger can be overwhelming, and that alone could of been why she was trying to avoid the phone
That may of been why she told me when she knew I would be around others as well
Also, as to her taking offense to my joking, that could just be how she reacts
She does tend to guilt herself easily, and I'll have to be more careful
At the same time, it's hard for me to know something bothers someone if they don't tell me
I do not think this is a hopeless case though
As my grandma said, we need to discuss it calmly, but it's fixable
I just hope she feels the same
In the meantime, I guess I should look into Priceline's policies on canceling tickets ._.
But no matter what happens, I know I'm going to be okay, eventually
This is not the end of the world
Song of the Entry:
Losing You by K's Choice
Welcome the rainbow, fading to gray
Spinning around us, making me stay
I'm looking for something like most of us do
I'm looking at god but he's looking at you
He looks for a driver to take him back home
To get it together by being alone
I'm sure he's a writer, he wrote me just now
The letter is empty like I'm living now
But that feels good to do
Compared to losing you
And I'm losing you
Do I need a baby to smother the pain
To stop all I live through from being in vain
Vanity fills me, vanity's nice
But somehow it kills you by hitting you twice
So take it all brother, take it from me
All but my lover 'cause she is in me
So many lovers don't look but they find
We're lovers too but I'm losing my mind
But that feels good to do
Compared to losing you
Can I be a memory
Can I be a part of your ways
Can I be the moonlight
That shines on your beautiful face
You can make me glow
I don't think you know...
I keep on singing a song is a dove
It lives in a desert to celebrate love
May be tomorrow, may be tonight
You will look up and you'll know I'm all right
And I will be ready, ready to ride
Ready to roam as I'm burning inside
But that feels good to do
Compared to losing you
Am I losing you