Sometimes I Remeber The Darkness Of My Past, Bringing Back These Memories I Wish I Didn't Have

[desertions]

ok...I have to stop shaking long enough to write this...
stopping crying would help to..
Anyways...
Today was the last day of school, all we had was an assembly. (I didn't win anything...suprise suprise)
First, I got sad because I wouldn't see alot of my friends for a while
and then I realized I didn't even know when I would next see Marie, cause she isn't coming back next year..
After school I went to hang out with my friend Biz, who graduated, and Rachel, my stalker who decided to tag along...
We were talking about the funnies and I was like "My dad used to read the funnies to me"
Rachel turns to me and asks "I'm sorry for asking, but how did your dad die?"
How dare she ask me that?
Of all the insensitive things...
I know I've told her before too...
so then I was explaing it, about the disease and stuff..
and like whenever I do this, I started having the flashback
I may of been five, but let me tell you, I remember what happened as if it was just moments ago(If you want to know, I'll try to post about it later, but at the moment I'm too upset...)
and then I was thinking about my grandpa and his death too...
I was fine for the most part while I was with my friends
but now that I'm home it's all coming at me at once...
and it hurts so much...
all I want to do is make this go away...
I'm tired of feeling...