Katiepants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desertions) wrote2007-07-06 04:21 pm
desertions) wrote2007-07-06 04:21 pm
Fanfiction: Saiyuki: From Loneliness To Love
From Loneliness To Love
Series: Saiyuki
Character: Gojyo (hints at Gojyo/Hakkai)
When: Post Reload 7
Rating: PG
Summary: An introspection peice on the relationships in Gojyo's life, and his long road of learning what love was.
Author notes: Sorry if this is a little rough :x I wrote it at work.
There was a power in it, this loneliness. For most of his life, Sha Gojyo had been alone. His family had been fractured at best and even then he had felt like an interloper. He had never truly belonged with Jien and his mother. And he could never shake that feeling if he had not been born, they would have been much happier. He did not blame Jien for leaving after killing their mother. Had he not existed, his brother never would have been driven to such extremes. To Gojyo, this was just another sign that he was a mistake.
Knowing that he was a mistake, it was hard for him to ever let anyone close. After all, he would make them miserable. He couldn’t help but feel that there was some truth in the legend that half breeds would only bring disaster. So anyone who came close, he pushed away. He told himself that it was for their own good, but it was just as much for his own protection as it was theirs. And in the long run, the one who was scared of being hurt was him. You wouldn’t guess that though, the way he slept with woman after woman, acting as if he didn’t have a care in the world. But much of it was only that, an act.
Through the years, Gojyo had a few friends, but they were never the type of people you could really rely on. He lived with Banri on and off for a few years, but he wouldn’t trust the man any farther then he could thrown him. And yet, he took the abuse, because even that was better then being alone. Besides, he was used to pain and affection going hand in hand.
But then on one faithful rainy day all of that changed. He came across a dying man, and on nothing more then a whim, decided to save him. Little did he know that this man would end up being his other half, the one person he would finally let in. Not that he planned on it. The best things in life, however, are often unplanned and this is one of them.
It was rocky at first. They were different. He was a bar hopper, Hakkai was a domestic. It seemed like they had nothing in common, and yet, they connected. They lived together for three years and for the first time since Gojyo could remember, he was happy. Hakkai took his bad habits with his good and didn’t judge him. Didn’t try to change him. With Hakkai, he could just…be. He didn’t feel guilty for being himself with the former teacher.
And then they went on a journey to the West, joined by a monk and a monkey. They were a strange group, but a family of sorts none the less. The kappa finally had people to die for.
And people he didn’t want to loose. This became painfully obvious when Hakkai nearly died after transforming to stop Goku. Gojyo couldn’t ever remember crying over someone like that, not even his mother. He had been panicked; he could not imagine his life without the other man. And in that moment, he made a realization.
It may of taken twenty three years to learn it but he finally knew what love was.
All he could do now was try to protect it, and maybe once the journey was over, they could see where they would go from there.
Series: Saiyuki
Character: Gojyo (hints at Gojyo/Hakkai)
When: Post Reload 7
Rating: PG
Summary: An introspection peice on the relationships in Gojyo's life, and his long road of learning what love was.
Author notes: Sorry if this is a little rough :x I wrote it at work.
There was a power in it, this loneliness. For most of his life, Sha Gojyo had been alone. His family had been fractured at best and even then he had felt like an interloper. He had never truly belonged with Jien and his mother. And he could never shake that feeling if he had not been born, they would have been much happier. He did not blame Jien for leaving after killing their mother. Had he not existed, his brother never would have been driven to such extremes. To Gojyo, this was just another sign that he was a mistake.
Knowing that he was a mistake, it was hard for him to ever let anyone close. After all, he would make them miserable. He couldn’t help but feel that there was some truth in the legend that half breeds would only bring disaster. So anyone who came close, he pushed away. He told himself that it was for their own good, but it was just as much for his own protection as it was theirs. And in the long run, the one who was scared of being hurt was him. You wouldn’t guess that though, the way he slept with woman after woman, acting as if he didn’t have a care in the world. But much of it was only that, an act.
Through the years, Gojyo had a few friends, but they were never the type of people you could really rely on. He lived with Banri on and off for a few years, but he wouldn’t trust the man any farther then he could thrown him. And yet, he took the abuse, because even that was better then being alone. Besides, he was used to pain and affection going hand in hand.
But then on one faithful rainy day all of that changed. He came across a dying man, and on nothing more then a whim, decided to save him. Little did he know that this man would end up being his other half, the one person he would finally let in. Not that he planned on it. The best things in life, however, are often unplanned and this is one of them.
It was rocky at first. They were different. He was a bar hopper, Hakkai was a domestic. It seemed like they had nothing in common, and yet, they connected. They lived together for three years and for the first time since Gojyo could remember, he was happy. Hakkai took his bad habits with his good and didn’t judge him. Didn’t try to change him. With Hakkai, he could just…be. He didn’t feel guilty for being himself with the former teacher.
And then they went on a journey to the West, joined by a monk and a monkey. They were a strange group, but a family of sorts none the less. The kappa finally had people to die for.
And people he didn’t want to loose. This became painfully obvious when Hakkai nearly died after transforming to stop Goku. Gojyo couldn’t ever remember crying over someone like that, not even his mother. He had been panicked; he could not imagine his life without the other man. And in that moment, he made a realization.
It may of taken twenty three years to learn it but he finally knew what love was.
All he could do now was try to protect it, and maybe once the journey was over, they could see where they would go from there.