desertions | If I Only Could Make A Deal With God And Get Him To Swap Our Places

Sometimes I feel so powerless
I can't help the ones I care about.
I feel so...inadequate, even if it's out of my control.
I feel paralyzed with worry lately.
I worry about Suu
I worry about Koko and Ali
I worry about my sister and her addictions
I worry about the holidays, because they rarely go well.
I worry about myself and the future
And there's thing nagging feeling that something really bad is going to happen. I don't know what, or when or how or who, but I can't shake this feeling.
I'm not sleeping again, so I just distract myself, trying to do whatever I can.
Makes me almost wish I hadn't rewatched Utena in such big chunks and had spaced it out.
Just for more distractions.

It's time like these where I really miss Grandpa.
Someone who I could hug and cry to and just feel comforted by.
I can't remember the last time I really let someone comfort me.