The Future Has Got Me Worried, Such Awful Thoughts

I got my grades today
I failed a class
And got a D in another
And several low Cs
Now I'm in danger of not graduating
Lovely
Why can't I ever do anything right?
No matter how hard I try things still get fucked up
I can barely fight any more
I'm worn out
I'm tired
I yearn for when I was younger
When my biggest worry was what book I was going to read when I finished the one I was currently on
I cried so hard, for almost an hour
I'm so afriad I won't graduate
And what if they make me quit the play over this?
That's the only thing at school I enjoy anymore
I just want to lie in my bed in the dark, listening to moody music
Getting up is to hard
Everytime I fight by myself I get knocked to the floor
I don't even know what I'm fighting for
I don't know where I'm going
I want someone to pick me up and tell me where to go
I'm not doing so well
Fighting your whole life wears you down
But really, what else can I do?
I guess for now the answer is nothing

Song of the Entry:

Nothing Gets Crossed Out by Bright Eyes

The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts.
My head is a carousel of pictures.
The spinning never stops.
I just want someone to walk in front
and I'll follow the leader.
Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush.
Started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs. I almost forgot who I was,
but came to my senses.
Now I'm tryin' to be assertive.
I'm making plans.
Wanna rise to the occasion, yeah
meet all of their demands.
But all I do is just lay in bed
and hide under the covers.
I know I should be brave
but I'm just too afraid of all this change.
And it's too hard to focus through all this doubt.
I keep making these "To Do" lists but nothing gets crossed out.
Working on the record seems pointless now.
When the world ends, who's gonna hear it?
But Im tryin' and take some comfort in written words,
yeah Tim I heard your album and it's better than good.
When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together.
Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by...
all those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting out time.
Remember all those songs and the way we smiled
in those basements made of music.
But now I've got to crawl, to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought.
So when I'm lost in a crowd,
I hope that you'll pick me out.
Oh, how I long to be found.
The grass grew high. I laid down.
Now I wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand.
I have been laying so low
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
But if everything that happens is supposed to be
and it is predetermined, can't change your destiny.
Then I guess I'll just keep moving, someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going.

New Poem. Yay?

Peace
Ever have that feeling of the room moving but you stay still?
Everything’s spinning but you don’t move?
I feel that all the time now
The constant movement is making me sick
I might vomit over the floor
Or choke on my breath
I try to hold on as everything slips
But I guess I’m not trying hard enough
Cause it keeps drifting away
And I’m left in disgrace again
It seems like no matter how hard I try
I’ll just mess up
And I want it to end
I’m tired; I give up
I just want to sleep
I wonder how many pills it would take
To remain in slumber
And never see the light of day again
No I mustn’t think this way
It would be selfish to go through
Yet since when have I thought of someone other then myself?
I can’t remember to be honest, if I ever did that is
But I’m a coward
I’d never take that step even if I was desprete
So I stay shaking in my room
Crying and feeling sorry for myself
I don’t expect you to care anymore
Not even I care about me really
I just want an escape from myself
All I want is some peace